


Can't forget you

by pigalle



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Abusive John Winchester, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bottom Dean, Brief Self-Harm, Brief suicidal thoughts, Community: deancasbigbang, DCBB, Dean Has Commitment Issues, Dean Has Self-Esteem Issues, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Has a Crush on Castiel, Depressed Dean, Depression, Drunk John Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, John Winchester Being an Asshole, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Mental Abuse, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Popular Castiel, Therapy, Top Castiel, Unpopular Dean, abusive relationship behaviors, domestic abuse, kind of Asshole Castiel, reference to Episode: s09e07 Bad Boys, there's some fluff but mostly it's just angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-26 09:42:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4999966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pigalle/pseuds/pigalle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>"Do you want me dead, is that it? Because it sure as hell looks like it," he said, and by now his voice showed every inch of how he felt, every inch of the betrayal that had broken him.</i><br/>~~~~~<br/>Dean wasn't really happy, but then again, who was? It could mostly be boiled down to one reason, but he preferred to steer away from that. When they moved yet again, and he met Castiel - the boy with eyes you could drown in - he couldn't ignore it anymore. And maybe that wasn't so bad, maybe with Cas's help, everything would be alright. Maybe all his problems would be solved.<br/>But then...<br/>He should have seen it coming. Should have know it wouldn't last. Because what was he when things went good?<br/>That didn't mean it hurt any less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION
> 
> Unlike the rest of the fics I've posted, this is a lot of angst, please read the tags before reading since this fic deals with sensitive/delicate (whatever you want to call it) subjects. (So if you came for the fluff, this might not be the right fic)
> 
> The title is from My Darkest Days' song Can't forget you, one of the songs for the soundtrack of this fic (if you want to hear the full soundtrack, you can do that from [this](http://open.spotify.com/user/jennypigalle/playlist/7cG5gPvJuZAYcjiATVIoIs) playlist)
> 
> The amazing art to this fic is made by [Linneart](http://linneart.tumblr.com/). You can find the art [here](http://linneart.tumblr.com/post/132176238060).
> 
> beta by [padaleckhi](http://padaleckhi.livejournal.com/)
> 
> you can find me on [tumblr](http://jennypigalle.tumblr.com)

Dean hated moving. He hated having to move all the time. New place, new school. New people. You could never actually get to know someone, because you would just move away from them. He had never lived in the same place for more than a few months at top, not since his mother died in that fire fourteen years ago.

And the whole thing with friends, it was nothing for him. He couldn't remember having a friend for years. Because really, what was the point? He would just move again and then miss them. And God forbid he'd miss someone. It would break him, he wouldn't be able to go on like this anymore. Keeping up the facade that he was okay.

The only people he let himself get close to was his dad and Sammy, his baby brother. Though if you asked Sam, he was no baby, he was a fourteen year old strong enough to fend for himself. And then there was of course also Bobby Singer and pastor Jim Murphy, the two people their father sometimes left them with. Though he wasn't that close to pastor Jim, he was more like a distant relative. Not that he really knew what that was like, he couldn't remember any relative other than Sammy and his father.

He was currently stood against their beloved 1967 Chevrolet Impala, looking up at the house his dad had bought. For once it was actually a house and not an apartment. Though, of course, an apartment was better than just a motel room for a few weeks.

The house wasn't bigger than an apartment in size, and it was very shabby looking. The front yard was minimal and uncared for, and he didn't even want to see the backyard. Sam was enthusiastic enough, because apparently he and Dean would actually get separate rooms.

"Boy! Get your ass over here!"

Dean sighed, picked up his messenger bag and walked over to his dad standing in the doorway. He squished his way past him so that he wouldn't bump into his father. He knew from experience that it would make John very mad. You didn't want to make him mad.

The house was in one floor, with a small living room and an equally small kitchen slash dining room. The door to the bathroom was in the almost-not-there hall, and three other doors in the living room led to the bedrooms. That was all there was, but Dean still thought it was pretty big. Even though his and Sam's rooms could probably be classified as closets.

_Just great, I'm gonna live in a fucking closet!_

He trudged over to the door that stood open and peeked in. Sam sat on the bed unpacking his bag.

"So, I guess this is your room then."

"Yours is the one to the right," Sam said without looking up. "The other is Dad's."

Dean trudged back into the living room and opened the door to "his" room. He wouldn't get comfortable in this house, they would just move soon again. Like they always did.

He stepped into the room and closed the door behind himself. He was right. It wasn't more than a closet in size, barely fitting the small bed and desk that stood inside. Not that the equally as small dresser gave the room more space.

Dean threw the bag on his bed and sat down beside it. He was really tired of all this. Tired of moving. Tired of not having more possession than that they fit in a fucking bag. He only had a few changes of clothes, and some photographs of his family from before ... _that_  happened.

"Dean! Go fix us some food!"

He sighed and stood up. He always had to fix them food, clean, or just in any way take care of the household. His dad said it was because he was busy working to earn money, and Sam was just a kid. Like Dean never was a kid, like he was a grown up the moment their mother died. And well, that was what he had to be. He had to look after Sam when their father wasn't there. And quite frankly, that was almost all the time.

Dean walked out the front door, turning to where he had seen a grocery store when they drove through town. The day was chilly, clouds covering the sky. He pulled his dad's old leather jacket tighter around himself, shivering slightly, but trying to ignore it.

He was soon at the store, picking out groceries and frozen food. He couldn't cook every day, and for those, they still needed food. He stopped at the aisle containing chips, candy and other junk food, contemplating for a few seconds to take some. When he thought of his father's reaction, he quickly walked away, not really wanting to get yelled at.

He pushed the cart up to the check out, quietly loading up the groceries. When he was done, he looked up at the person at the checkout, seeing a kid about his age. He had a smile on his face, but it looked forced. Though he was still kind of cute. Or maybe more in the good-looking direction rather than cute.

He told Dean the total price and then to have a good day, before he just turned to the next customer, like he didn't really care about Dean's day. Which, well, would be pretty logical seeing as they didn't even know each other. But still, Dean would really have liked for someone to care and ask about his day. His dad never did.

He shrugged himself while he walked home. He had to stop making it seem like he wasn't okay. Like his dad hurt him bad. Even if he just thought it in his own head, he had to stop. He couldn't believe something was true if he thought of something else as true. And the only way for him to be okay was by pretending he actually was.

Dean hurried home and cooked a quick dinner. They ate in silence, Dean cleaning the dishes when they were finished before going to bed. It wasn't all that late, but he was tired, and he and Sam would start school tomorrow, meaning he needed rest. At least his father hadn't taken him out of school yet. He had threaten to do it at one point when Dean was too tired to do both the housework and schoolwork.

~~~~~~~~

When Dean woke up the next day, it was to the smell of eggs being fried.

 _What the...? Who's_...?

He was always the one making the food, their Dad never did. Because "he had too much to do with working to earn money" as he always said. If Dean ever pointed out that he too was tired and John could do something sometimes, it would just earn him a scolding. Never had his father actually done something after any of those times. Except, well, for giving Dean a beating if he was in a bad mood.

Dean got out of bed, quickly dressing and then proceeded to walk to the kitchen after a quick stop at the bathroom. Sam stood at the stove, doing what looked like frying some eggs.

"Are you... cooking breakfast?"

"Yeah," Sam replied cheerfully. "You were out cold, and this seems so easy when you do it. Can you set the table? And take out some bread and butter, too!"

~~~~~~~~

"Bye dad!" Sam called cheerfully as they stepped out of the car.

Dean looked up at the school, already dreading what was to come. Putting up a facade around everyone, pretending he was okay. People in school seemed to be so much more attentive than Sam. But then again, Sam looked up at Dean, and there was no way his role model would be anything but fine, right?

He sighed and walked up to the doors, Sam following right behind. Their dad had left without a word as usual, but Sam still seemed to get sad about it.

"What do you think, Dean? Do you think you will get any friends? You didn't have any at the last school we went to."

"Hey, Sam, it's okay," Dean said and ruffled his brother's hair. "I don't really mind, you know. As long as you're happy."

"But Dean, I want you to be happy too!"

"It's okay kid, I am happy," he said and forced a smile. He didn't like to lie to his brother, but he hated to worry him, so he didn't really have a choice.

They walked in together, up to the reception where they got their schedules and locker combination. After a quick explanation of the school's layout they were sent away to their first lesson.

Dean made sure his brother got to the right place before trying to find where he was supposed to be. There was no one in the hallways, so he assumed the lessons had already started. Even though that fact made him late, he didn't really care. It wasn’t like John would let him get some higher education when he had Sam to take care of. So why care about grades? They wouldn't matter soon enough.

He found the right classroom a few minutes later. With his hand on the doorknob he took a deep breath before he entered. Even though he didn't really care about the students, he cared about what they thought of him. And that always made him nervous as hell.

All eyes turned to him when he entered. The teacher, a middle aged man, seemed annoyed at his presence, or maybe that was just because he was late.

"I see you've decided to grace us with your presence now," the teacher said in a voice as annoyed as he seemed.

"Well, all the important people always comes late," Dean said and slapped on a confident smile.

"Go sit down, and don't interrupt class!"

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to play confident and piss of the teacher. Could they never have a bit fun? He walked to an empty seat in the back of the room, sitting down as comfortably as he could.

~~~~~~~~

It was lunch break and Dean was in a janitor's closet making out with some girl he’d met in class earlier. He was skipping lunch like he usually did, but then again he rarely was hungry — at least he told himself that. He'd gotten used to not eating so much from when their dad had left for so long that they didn't have enough money for food. All food they had during those times went to Sam.

His stomach rumbled and the girl — he thought her name was Claire — took a step away from him.

"Are you hungry? I'm so sorry I'm keeping you away from food!" She took his hand and opened the door to the closet. "Let's go eat, you can sit with me and my friends." She started pulling him out and towards the cafeteria.

"Hey, wait a little! I don't even have money to pay with me. I kinda hadn't even thought about eating today."

"I can pay for you," Claire said and gave him a smile. "You really need to eat, you know."

"I... I need to go!" Dean said and hurried away.

He wasn't suppose to make friends, and that meant he couldn't allow her to pay for his food. She would want to be his friend, and he couldn't do that.

He was ashamed to say he hid the rest of the day. Not hid in the way you would think. He still went to the lessons, but he stayed as far away from the other students as he could, especially from Claire. When the school day was over Dean walked home, knowing that Sam should already be home.

"Sam?" Dean asked when he stepped into their house.

"I'm here!" came Sam's reply from his room.

Dean took a look around and noticed that their dad was nowhere to be found. And the house was cleaner than could be expected when John had been there the whole day.

"Where's dad?"

"He left when I got home, saying he would be gone for a few days."

_That son of a bitch!_

He always left as soon as he could, but he usually stayed a few days before taking off. It was as if he didn't want anything to do with his sons. Almost like he blamed them for what happened to their mother. But it wasn't their fault! He had confronted his father before about it, but he didn't dare do it again. The one time he did earned him one of the worst beatings he'd ever gotten.

"Have you eaten?" Dean asked with a sigh.

"Actually," Sam beamed, "I have eaten. I cooked some to you too."

"You're an angel you know," Dean said and went over to the fridge. "But when did you learn to cook?"

"A bit in school," Sam replied as Dean took out the food, "a bit by watching you, and a bit when I've went home with a friend."

Dean microwaved the food, relaxing with relief of not having to cook. When the food was done, he sat down at the table and began to eat. Sam disappeared into his room, probably to do homework like he usually did.

Dean was left alone to take care of the dishes — some of it from when Sam had cooked the food — and for his brain to wander. Wander where it usually did when he was alone. How his dad seemed to think he was a bother, like he just was in the way. Wander to Sam and what he needed to do to give him a good childhood.

At times he felt almost hatred to John for having forced him into being an adult. Forced him into becoming a parent to Sam even though he had his father.

He tried the best he could to avoid this happening, but it never worked. And it never failed to make him feel miserable. Like he had failed somewhere in life. Worst it was when it made him feel that he was in John's way and it would be benefiting to both his dad and his brother if he wasn't there.

For obvious reasons he never told anyone about anything of this. They would take him away from his family, and even though his mind made it seem like he wanted that at times, he really didn't want that. Not as long as it wasn't because of a very specific, permanent and ‘definitely not possible to come back’ reason.

When he was done in the kitchen he went straight to his room, collapsing on the bed. For some reason he was awfully tired, more than usual. He had almost fallen asleep when he got a sudden urge to pee. Annoyed he went out of bed and to the bathroom. This always seemed to happen to him, and by the time he was back in his room, he wasn't tired anymore. He lied there, staring up at the ceiling, wishing he could just fall asleep already.

He rolled over on his side, closing his eyes. Hopefully he would fall asleep soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Throughout the following days, Dean learned who was okay to try and make out with, who to stay away from and who not to bother under any circumstances. Castiel Novak and his popular gang of friend was some of those he needed to stay away from. Needless to say, Dean wasn't popular or liked — only for making out with.

Castiel was the captain of the soccer team, and therefore the most popular and liked person in the whole school. Messing with him — or his friends — was a big mistake, something everyone avoided.

Castiel was also popular among the girls, popular in the way that they all wanted to be together with him. Dean could understand why, he was smoking hot. Like, he would totally bang him if he got the opportunity. Too bad Castiel was straight though. Well, at least Dean thought he was.

The first — and still the only — time Dean had been close to and kinda talked to Castiel happened the second day in school. Dean had been in one of the janitor closets, making out with a girl named Lisa. Suddenly the door had opened, Castiel walking in without seeming to care about the fact that Lisa and Dean was making out.

"Hello Lisa," Castiel has said. "Anna is looking for you." Then he had turned to Dean, smiling slightly. "Dean, right?"

"Yeah," Dean had replied, trying to seem confident and cool.

Castiel had right away turned back to Lisa, gesturing for her to come with him. After giving Dean an apologizing face, Lisa had disappeared away with Castiel, leaving Dean alone in the closet.

That was a few days ago now, and Dean hadn't encounter Castiel any more that week. Though he did talk more with Lisa, who turned out to a really nice and interesting girl. Dean might have considered dating her if he actually did that sort of things. But dating meant attachment, and he wasn't ready for that. Not when they were going to move soon again.

His dad didn't come back either, so he was left to take care of Sam. It didn't take long before he was exhausted, but he still barely slept at night.

On the Friday that same week, Sam had asked Dean if he could stay with a new friend, and Dean saw that as his chance for some action. Maybe some action would lose his tension.

The school day was coming to an end, and Dean was once again in a janitor's closet, making out with a girl he planned to take home. Her name was Cassie or something similar, with dark curly hair that helped making her absolutely gorgeous. And not to forget sexy.

"Hey," Dean said as he broke away from her mouth, "how about you come with me home?"

She blushed lightly and nodded with a smile, before she dove right back into his mouth.

~~~~~~~~

He led the girl to the Impala that John surprisingly had left behind when he left. It made Dean feel more uneasy than he liked to admit. His father had never done it before, he always took the car with him.

They didn't waste time getting in the car, and soon Dean parked outside his home. He manage to unlock the door at the same time their hands barely left the other's. They were kissing again when the door closed, Dean walking backwards towards his room.

The bed creaked ominously as they fell down on it. It was a surprise it didn't just collapse then and there. The creaking never stop; not when they removed their clothes, and not after that either.

~~~~~~~~~

Castiel stood with his friends and watched when Dean picked up yet another girl. It was at least the fifth since he'd gotten to the school, and Castiel found it highly amusing. Dean wasn't at all popular, but with picking up girls... He was good at it. But at the same time, it slightly irked him. How he could be so unliked, so almost hated, and still get girls, if so just for a once-time?

"I bet you that he can get it together with all the girls here," Castiel's older half-brother Gabriel said with challenge in his voice. He loved to play games and pranks with people, so it was just like him.

"I bet you all the girls can get it with him," Castiel friend Balthazar said.

"Oh, it's on!" came Gabriel's enthusiastic reply. "We will see how many girls Dean will accept to 'spend some time with'."

Castiel moved his gaze from Dean onto his friends, a smirk playing on his lips. "This could actually become very fun."

~~~~~~~~

Dean was relaxed when he walked through the door at home. He'd gotten used to coming home and be alone, what with Sam staying late in school to study. Therefor, the sight that greeted him from the sofa made his shoulders sag in despair.

John was back.

He was splayed all over the sofa watching tv, beer in hand and a bowl of chips on the sofa table. He obviously was drunk, and judging by the fairly fresh wound on his cheek, he'd just gotten back from some sort of fight again.

"There's no food in the fridge."

Dean had barely gotten inside, and his dad already started demanding him doing things.

"Uh... I was going to... I was going to go sho-"

"Then do it! Hurry, I'm hungry!"

“But we’re out of money. I need money to buy it…”

Dean knew it was best to be careful with his dad, and in this situation it would be to do what he told him, but he couldn’t. Their dad hadn’t left them much money to begin with, not that he used to. Once, it had gone so far as to Dean giving all the food to Sam, even steal some to be able to give him.

When John stepped up from the couch, Dean knew he was screwed, knew he had stepped over a line.

“If I tell you to make food, you will make food!” His voice was low at the beginning, just to rise with every word. The punch that was landed on Dean’s cheek didn’t even surprise him.

“Why can't you ever be useful?!”

Another punch.

“Why do you never do what I tell you?!”

This one on his jaw.

“Why do you always screw up?!”

Into his stomach.

“Why aren’t you more like Sam?!”

A kick to the back of his knee, sending him to the floor.

“Why are you even still here?!”

A kick to his stomach.

“You should never have been born!”

His words were harsher this time, the kick to his stomach harder.

Dean tried as hard as he could to keep his tears away, but he hurt so much. His cheeks hurt, his jaw hurt, but worst was his stomach. At least John hadn’t kicked his head this time.

When Dean could finally stand up, his dad had walked into the kitchen, and was looking through the cupboards as if he would be able to find something this time. As quietly as he could, Dean walked to his room and locked the door.

It had been a while since Dean last had been beaten this bad, and he had even started to believe it wouldn’t happen again. But oh, so wrong he had been. With a moan he fell back on the bed, his hands covering his face.

After a few minutes, he sat back up with determination. He kicked of his shoes as he picked up something from the inside of the waistband of his jeans. The blade of the pocket knife gleamed slightly when he took it out. He didn’t even look as he put it against his ankle, pressing down lightly as he dragged it across the skin. The sting was faint, but it was there and that was enough. Enough to pace down the thoughts running around in his head.

Dean hid in his room the rest of the day, not even coming out when Sam got home. At least John was already asleep when he did. The next morning he waited as long as he could to come out, knowing how his face must look. Best not to worry Sam when it wasn't even needed.

When he finally emerged, he almost ran to the bathroom, succeeding in doing so without Sam seeing him. He avoided looking into the mirror and instead took of his shirt. The bruises was there, just as expected. After inspecting the jungle of colours that was his stomach, he turned to the mirror and looked at his face.

It wasn't as bad as his stomach, just a bruise on his left cheek and one on his jaw. It would be easy enough to laugh away if someone cared enough to ask in school. And he could just tell Sam he'd gotten into a fight. Whether Sam would believe him or not was another thing, what with all the times Dean had already told that lie.

After taking a quick shower Dean walked into the kitchen where Sam sat and ate his breakfast. He looked up when he heard the footsteps, and gasped when he saw Dean's face.

"What happened?!" There was demanding in his voice, something that told Dean there was no way he would get easy out of this.

"I just got into a small fight," he said, hoping his brother would buy it.

The youngest Winchester was quiet way too long for Dean's liking before his features softened.

"You need to stop doing that. Try not to get into any fights, okay?"

Dean nodded and turned his back towards Sam to get himself some bread to eat.

~~~~~~~~

The following days were a blur of boring lessons and making out in janitors closets with a different girl every time. It felt almost like they were throwing themselves at him, like they were competing or someone made them do it. It made Dean uneasy, but still he didn’t think too much about it. At least he got some easy action.

~~~~~~~~

“Come on, Raphael, Uriel, quit it. Just leave him alone.”

Dean heard the voice before he saw the scene, and was slightly surprised that it was Castiel’s voice he heard. He’d thought he was just a big douchebag.

He stepped around the corner and saw Castiel, a few of his friends, and two guys he recognized from the soccer team. Slightly hidden behind them from Dean stood a smaller figure, which Dean soon recognized as Sam.

“Sam! Are you okay?” He ran up to his brother, checking for any obvious signs of … anything.

“I’m fine,” Sam replied as the other started walking away. Castiel lingered for a few seconds before he too walked away. “They were just picking on me a little. No big deal.

“Really, Dean, I’ll be fine,” he said at the look on Dean’s face. He cared for his little brother, and that meant getting angry if anyone picked on Sammy. “It’s okay, Dean. Castiel helped and made them stop.”

Huh. Anyone who helped Sam in any way was automatically good in Dean’s books. Maybe Castiel actually wasn’t all that bad.


	3. Chapter 3

Dean was just peacefully walking through the half-empty corridors when he all of a sudden was pushed into a janitor's closet. He expected it to be a girl who wanted to make out, so he turned around, a smirk on his lips.

The person who had pushed him in was not a girl.

“Hello, Dean. I’m Benny.” He smiled a crooked smile, almost a smirk.

“What are you doing?”Dean asked him.

"I'm in the closet, both literally and figuratively speaking,” he answered with another crooked smile.

"What are you talking about?” Dean asked, in reality only half-confused, because really, Benny couldn’t be talking about what he thought he was talking about.

Benny stepped forward, going straight into Dean’s personal space, and smirked. “I’m in the closet, baby, but I might take a step out of it for you.”

Then he actually closed his lips over Dean’s, no doubt about what he was talking about anymore. Dean had actually missed this, missed making out with a boy. It wasn’t the same as with girls, not said girls wasn’t good to make out with. He just so rarely got this opportunity.

When he responded back, Benny took a step back, a surprised look on his face.

“What?”

“I didn’t expect you to respond, I thought you’d get mad.”

“Then why did you do this?” Dean asked, confused yet again.

“I’m making this up as I go, baby,” Benny answered, the smile back on his lips.

"Then I say hurry up creating the next step. I won't wait the whole day." A flirty smirk was playing on his lips, daring Benny to continue.

Benny attacked his lips again, Dean letting it happen with his eyes closed. If he could sink into the moment, maybe he could forget what his father probably would think if he ever found out. But just thinking the thought made it very clear in his head. It was there the rest of the time he was in that closet with Benny.

 ~~~~~~~~

He had just gotten out of a closet with a girl the next time he talked to Benny. He was walking towards Dean, a cute guy following after him. Benny nudged his head towards an empty corridor, obviously wanting Dean to follow. He did so, seeing as he didn't really have anything to do. Lessons was soon to start, but his was cancelled.

"Dean, I want you to meet Derek. Derek who's way too shy to do this himself." At the last part he elbowed the boy in the side, sending him stumbling towards Dean.

"H-hi," he said, smiling shyly.

"Why... uh, to do what?" Dean was slightly confused, though he didn't want to admit it.

"He's interested. In you." At the cold, hard stare Dean gave him at that he hurriedly defended himself. "I ain't told anyone! He's my friend, and actually asked me to help him. He won't tell anyone either, he's practically in the closet himself."

Benny took some steps back, going back towards the main corridor. "Now, you two have fun. I'll see you later, Derek."

Derek took a step closer to Dean, seemingly taking a deep breath at the same time.

"I know a janitor's closet in the other end of school. There's really never anyone there. Well, it’s barely ever anyone there. It's really closed off and private. We, uh, could go there?"

Dean smiled at the kids effort. It was obvious that he wasn't all too courageous about this, but Dean appreciated the effort.

"Sure, lead the way."

Derek walked away, Dean following close behind him. The further they got from the main parts of the school, the quieter it got. There were barely anyone in the halls seeing as there were lessons going on.

Derek looked nervously around himself, and then took Dean's hand, as if he had to build up the courage to do it. His stride got a little more confident when Dean held his hand back and squeezed it lightly.

When they got to a door labeled "Janitor" Derek took a hold of Dean's shoulders and pushed him into the closet. As soon as the door closed behind them his lips was on Dean's, kissing him deeply right from the start.

"Damn," Dean said as they separated a bit to breath, "you getting confident now?"

Instead of answering, Derek dove right back, kissing Dean even fiercer now. His hands traveled all over Dean's body, to all the places they could reach. His hips started small grounding motions against Dean's crotch.

"You keep doing that, you'll have something to fix." It was a warning, but it didn't mean Dean really wanted him to stop.

Instead of answering, Derek grounded harder into Dean, sending a spark of lust through his body.

When Derek tried to lift up his shirt, he was immediately sent back to reality. He was bruised, and as long as he could, he wanted to avoid anyone seeing that.

"No undressing in here," he said as lightheartedly as he could.

"I'll just have to make do with what I'm given, ain't I?" His smile was playful, to which Dean breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn't gotten annoyed about it.

Derek's hand slowly trailed downwards, his lips leaving small kisses all over his neck and chin. Dean didn't notice were the hands were going until he heard the zipper being unzipped. The same moment he realized he was hard.

Soon after that realization, his jeans button was popped, a hand moving into his pants and cupping his erection through his boxers. Dean gasped and threw his head back.

Derek' hand started stroking slowly, while the other hand's fingers trailed the skin just above the hem of Dean's boxers. Both hands disappeared suddenly, to which Dean opened his eyes.

Derek was smiling and suddenly the hands were back. This time one of then traveled into his boxers, curling the fingers into the hair down there. The hand went further down, closing around Dean's erection. Slow stokes started as Derek tried to shrug down Dean's pants and boxers with just his other hand. Dean didn't waste a second to help him get them down a bit.

With the clothes out of the way, the strokes grew in pace. Every few strokes Derek's thumb swiped over Dean's slit, making him gasp. The small space was soon filled with small moans and gasps from Dean.

Dean felt good, satisfied in a way he hadn't in a long time. It was just not the same when a girl did it as when a boy did it.

As the pleasure rose, his moans grew louder and louder. With a way too loud moan he came, spilling cum all over Derek's hand. Derek continued stroking him all through the orgasm, giving Dean deep kisses every few seconds.

When Dean came down from the high, Derek had cleaned his hand on a lonely towel, and was shrugging Dean's pants pack up.

"How about," Derek said, kissing Dean, "if we," another, longer kiss, "do this again?"

When he'd asked his question he leaned back, looking expectantly at Dean.

Dean leaned in, stopping centimeters from the other boy's lips. "I'd love to."

They kissed again, swiping their tongues against the other's. After a few more minutes of making out they broke away, deciding it was time to get back.

~~~~~~~~

“Where have you been?” Sam asked with a bitch face when Dean joined him at the curb later. He’d just gotten back just to find classes had ended, so he went over to Sam to wait for their father to come get them. If he even would do it.

“Your teacher asked me where you’d been. So, where were you?”

“I didn’t have class,” Dean answered relaxedly. “It was cancelled.”

“No, Dean, it was not. Hence the teacher asking me about you.”

“Whatever, I’m sure it doesn’t matter.”

“Dean! You can’t just say that about school! School is important!”

“Hey, calm down, Sam,” Dean said with an amused smile. “It’s really not important, like, it’s not like I’ll need good grades to further studies when I’m not even going to study more.”

Sam looked like he had more to say, but just that moment John came driving in the Impala, cutting him off. Dean was actually relieved to not have to keep up the subject. Even though he seemed like he didn’t care, he did. If he could, he would love to keep study, though what he didn’t know. But with their current situation and his dad's demands, their was no way he would get to keep up his studies.

Dean walked around to the passenger side of the car when it was parked. He barely got in the car before John spoke to him, demanding him doing things.

“There’s food in the fridge, make something of it. I need to leave in two hours.”

So that was that with relaxing when he got home. At least he would have some time without John later tonight.

“Oh, and I want you to clean our clothes, there is a laundromat somewhere in town.”

Of course, John wouldn’t just have him cook food. “Yes, sir.”

Dean could feel his mood drop, a stone sinking in his stomach. All of a sudden, whatever appetite he’d have was gone. He felt almost sick to his stomach, to the point where he had to fight the urges to clutch his stomach. He couldn’t show something was wrong.

Dean hurried out of the car when they got home. After stepping through the door he walked right to the kitchen. He had to be quick, but knowing his dad, he needed to cook something that tasted good too.

40 minutes later he had a meal finished and had set the table. He called for his brother and dad, but didn't sit down himself. Instead he went to the bathroom and collected the laundry. Another 40 minutes and he'd found the laundromat and loaded the washing machine.

When he finally got home it was late, his dad gone. Sam was probably holed up in his room studying. He contemplate looking in the fridge if there were any leftovers, but decided against it. He still wasn't hungry. Instead he made himself ready for bed, going to sleep early. He was honestly exhausted.

~~~~~~~~

Maybe he should rest a bit.

He'd almost fainted the next morning when he walked to the bathroom. He blamed it on not eating, and told himself to eat breakfast this morning. But he didn't.

To his defense, he woke up late, so he didn't have any time to eat before they needed to leave for school.

He spent lunch break making out with another girl, Maja. He knew it was stupid, knew he needed to eat. But she asked, and he couldn't just say no. Plus, she wanted to come with him home for some more action.

She didn't have any lessons last period, so he decided to skip his to get home. He felt he deserved it after all the work he'd done at home.

He didn't have the car so they walked, and at least she didn't have anything against that. Dean was surprised to say the least when he saw the Impala parked outside their house. He would have thought his dad wouldn't be home yet.

He shrugged it off though and let the girl inside the house. He stopped when he got inside. John sat in the couch, beer in hand, his trademark drunk-rage stance all too much present. Maybe taking her home wasn't such a good idea.

"Um, I'm really sorry, but this was bad timing. We can do it another time though?" He said after having turned to her.

Maja looked mad at first, but her mood seemed to soften after having cast a glance at John.

"Yeah, maybe. I'll see you later." She gave him a quick kiss and then left. That actually went better than he had thought it would.

"Come over here now."

"Yes sir," Dean replied defeated. He already knew where this was going.

His steps was heavy when he walked towards his father. He didn't even shy away when the first slap hit him. He just stood there motionless, letting punch after punch hit him. There was no use fighting it, that would only make it worse.

Because he had let his thoughts drift, he wasn't ready when a kick to his knee sent him to the floor. He fell in a weird angel, could feel his ankle snap. It hurt like hell. To top it all, he also hit his head hard on the floor.

"Get up!" his dad yelled at him.

His ankle hurt, his head hurt and he felt dizzy. There was no way he would try to stand up again.

When he didn't move, John kicked him first one time in his stomach, then one more time in his head.

Then it stopped, but Dean didn't dare believe John had actually stopped. Not just after a few minutes. Or had it really gone just a few minutes? He wasn't sure anymore, his head felt so dizzy that maybe it had actually gone longer.

When he finally looked up, John was in the kitchen, quietly drinking a beer. It must have gone longer than he thought.

_Sam!_

He had to get out before Sam got home. He couldn't let Sam have to come home just to find him like this,he just couldn't.

It took him almost all his powers to stand up. The room was spinning, he could barely stand on the ankle, and every breath he took hurt like hell. With slow, painful steps he walked towards the door, out, but not with any destination in mind. Just that he had to get away from the house.

He got a few steps away from the door when a wave of dizziness hit him. He spun around without having control over it, feeling the world tilt. He was starting to fall.

"Dean!"

Sam must have gotten home.


	4. Chapter 4

"Dean!"

Sam could see his brother just outside the house, falling to the ground. He ran the last distance, falling to his knees beside his brother.

Dean was bloody and bruised in the face. Another fight he'd gotten himself into. But this one was obviously worse than any other before it.

"Dean!" he tried, hoping that his brother would react.

When he got no response he hurries inside, hoping his father could take Dean to the hospital.

John sat on the couch, beer in hand. From his stance Sam understood that he was drunk. He would have to try something else.

Walking back out to his brother, he fished out his phone from his pocket. Trying to keep calm, he called his friend Jessica. He knew she had a big brother with a driving license.

She answered after just two tones. "Hello?"

"Jess, do you think... do you think you brother can... can drive Dean to the hospital?"

"Sam, calm down," she said soothingly. "What are you talking about?"

"Dean, he must have gotten in a fight. He's unconscious so I think he need to go to the hospital. My dad can't drive right now, so I thought, I thought maybe your brother could drive him."

"Of course Sam, I'll talk to him. Where are you?"

"At home," Sam answered, his voice unsteady.

They arrived 15 minutes later and together they got Dean inside the car after a lot of trouble. They didn't want to hurt him, but that wasn't all that too easy.

~~~~~

When Dean came around again he could hear a steady beeping in the distance. It annoyed him. He felt sleepy and tired, exhausted even. Pain throbbed and radiated from several of his limbs.

He blinked his eyes open, shying away from the bright light that hit him. He was in a brightly lit room, all white everywhere.

Hospital, of course.

It wasn’t that he had something against having been taken to a hospital, he just very much hated them. Not that he could explain why he did, he had always done just that. It might have had something to do with the period after their house had burned down.

He gazed around the room, searching his surroundings. He knew that he’d heard Sam just before he fell, and it must have been he who took him here. He found his brother after just a few seconds. Sam was sitting on a chair just beside his bed, gazing out of the window.

“Hiya Sam.”

“Dean!” Sam almost threw himself around to face his brother.

“You have to stop doing this, Dean.” Sam’s voice was weak, glazed in worry.

Dean frowned in confusion and asked, “Doing what?”

“Getting in fights! You were unconscious!”

“Hey, hey, calm down, I’m okay now.”

Sam stared at him in doubt, a bitch face close to showing. “No, you are not.”

“I will be fine.”

Sam didn’t answer, instead he stood up from the chair and walked out the room.

“Hey, are you mad at me?” Dean called after him, of course not getting any answer.

A few minutes later Sam came back, a man Dean guess was a doctor following him.

“How are you feeling, Dean?” he asked, looking down at some papers.

“I’m fine.”

“You suffered a slight concussion, a few of your ribs are bruised and your right ankle is badly sprained.”

“No need to sugarcoat it,” Dean muttered under his breath, sarcasm glazing every word.

The doctor glanced up on Dean, smiling slightly. “You will be allowed home shortly, we just want to run a few tests on you first."

~~~~~

Dean was let home later, but not as he would have liked. He had to have crutches for an unspecified time, which he did not like. They were in the way, and his dad would probably have complains about them to voice.

He was driven home by the older brother of one of Sam’s friends, a friend he had not seen before. She seemed nice, and Sam looked like he enjoyed being around her.

Dean went right to bed when he got home, relieved that John wasn’t home.

When Dean woke up the next morning it was once again to the smell of food. He appreciated the effort Sam went into to make it easier for him, but he really didn’t needed to. Dean was fine.

John wasn’t around that morning either, so after a quick breakfast — only a sandwich on Dean’s side — they walked to school seeing as their dad had taken the Impala with him.

Dean got a lot of stares when he walked inside the school. He could see why, he would have stared too if someone walked in on crutches, their face all bruised. He still didn’t like that they did it, though. He felt an urge to pull up the hood of his big hoodie, to hide away from everyone, but he couldn’t show any weakness. Not in this state, not ever.

People who never talked to him normally stopped to ask, asking soon after each other. It only took a few minutes before Dean got annoyed about it.

When he saw Benny he took the opportunity, almost fleeing away to him.

"Hey brother, what happened to you?" his friend asked when he noticed him.

"Got in a fight, I pissed of the wrong people."

He'd gotten so used to lying it wasn't even a problem anymore.

They talked a bit more until it was time for lessons. Dean still needed to get his books, and by the time he got to his locker the halls were almost empty.

"It was your dad, wasn't it?"

Dean turned his head to the side at the new voice. There stood Maja, looking at him with a face he couldn't read.

_How the fucking hell could she know?!_

"Your dad was drunk, and he looked angry, and then you wanted me to leave. And look at you now. He must have been the one to put you in this state."

"Um, no, I just got in a fight. Pissed of the wrong people." He grinned at the last part, but something about it felt off. Hopefully Maja didn't notice anything.

She smiled a sad smile and said; "You need to talk with someone about it. Get it to stop. You don't deserve it if that's what you think. It's not your fault if your dad is abusive."

"I told you, it wasn't dad. I, uh, need to get to class now."

He walked away as quick his crutches allowed. He was starting to panic, and just wanted to get away from her. He stumbled through the halls, his breath getting more and more labored. The halls were starting to almost spin, they were tipping, and Dean could feel how he was starting to lose his balance.

Though before he could hit the floor, arms wrapped around him, keeping him steady and upright. Even though he didn't know who it was, he sank into their embrace, letting his body relax.

"Are you okay?"

The voice surprised him. It was the person he would have least guessed would help him. But apparently he was wrong.

Castiel.

“Yeah… yeah, I’m fine.” He made an attempt to stand on his own, but almost fell again. He would have if Castiel hadn’t caught him again. Not only had he started to feel dizzy and his breath was still labored, but at some point since Castiel caught him he had dropped his crutches.

“Maybe you should sit down?” Castiel’s voice was calm and almost soothing, something that surprised Dean. He hadn’t thought Castiel would be able of such things.

When Dean didn't say anything Castiel led him over to a bench, pressing him down onto it. He laid a hand on Dean's neck and gently bent him forward.

"Breath. Take a deep breath, hold it, then release it slowly." Castiel's voice was still gentle, and it was also quiet, like he didn't dare speak too loud so as to not upset Dean more.

Dean did as he said, and could soon feel his breath calm down. His whole body calmed down and relaxed, slightly leaning against Castiel.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Dizzy."

"Have you eaten anything?"

"...Yeah, of course I have." He could feel how bad the lie was. What was up with him lately?

Suddenly two hands were on his shoulders, turning him towards Castiel.

"Do you not think I can spot a lie? When was the last time you ate? And how _much_  did you eat?"

"A sandwich this morning..." He didn't really want to do this, but for some reason, Castiel made it feel okay.

"And before that?"

"Um... The day before yesterday?"

Dean could hear Castiel sigh, and it almost sounded like a sad sigh. "This is not a one time thing either, is it?"

"No." Dean's reply was quiet, almost not hearable.

Castiel bent to the side, looking like he was searching through his bag for something. "Here," he said when he sat up straight again. In his hand was an apple that he held to Dean.

When Dean just stared at it Castiel said; "Eat, and then you rest a bit. I will talk to your teacher, so don't worry about the lesson you miss."

Dean tentatively took the apple,still wondering why Castiel even bothered doing all this. It was not like they were friends. Hell, they had only talked like once before.

"Why are you doing this," Dean said as he took a bite of the apple.

"What?" Castiel asked and turned his way too mesmerizing blue eyes to Dean.

"Why are you helping me right now. Why does it seem like you're concerned about me?"

"You may say that you pissed of a few guys and it's no big deal, but whatever happened — and I will not ask — it affected you a lot. You are obviously not okay about it. You just had what I would classify as a slight panic attack. From what you call 'nothing important'. And why I care? Why the fuck wouldn't I? It's not like you deserve what happened. And I don't think it was a one time thing either. You deserve to be saved from whatever it was that happened, that is happening even."

Dean muttered something under his breath, making Castiel turn his gaze to him again.

"What?"

"Nothing," Dean answered, hoping that Castiel would drop it.

"No, it's not nothing, but what exactly is it?" He studied Dean intently and then said; "You don't think you deserve to be saved."

"You know what, Castiel? You have no idea, so stop making it seem like you do."

Dean made a move to get up and walk away, but Castiel stopped him before he got anywhere.

"I'm sorry. I will stop talking about this now, I promise. Just sit down and rest. You need it."

~~~~~

“Mr. Winchester?”

Dean looked up at the voice and saw the vice principal Mrs. Crafford standing in the doorway.

“Yeah…”

“Could you come with me?”

Dean stood up, collected his books and crutches and walked out of the classroom. Well out, he turned to the vice principal.

“Is this about the lesson I missed? ‘Cause Castiel said he’d talk to my teacher about that.”

“No. Please just follow me.” Her voice seemed somewhat cold, but still not. It made him feel like he was in deep shit.

She led him through the school, to the area were the principals had their offices. She opened a door for him, gesturing for him to step in.

“Ms. Andersen has voices some troubling thoughts regarding you,” she said as she sat down in the chair behind the desk.

“Who?” Dean said in lack of something better to say.

“Please sit,” Mrs. Crafford said and gestured towards a chair in front of her desk.

Unsure about what to do he sat down, still waiting for an answer to his question.

“Ms. Andersen — or Maja as I’m sure you know her better — was worried, and talked to a teacher. Now you are here to help us figure this whole situation out.”

_Oh, God, please let this not be about that._

“Um… what exactly did she, uh, talk about?”

“She had apparently talked to you but was still worried. About the origin of your wounds. This is a very serious accusation that we need to treat with absolute seriousness. If it is true, certain measures need to be taken.” She leaned over the desk, keeping her gaze steady at Dean. “Was these wounds caused by your father? I understand you would not want to talk about this, but it needs to be corrected. No child should be exposed to abuse from their parent or parental figure.”

“No- uh, it wasn’t dad.” Dean could feel his voice breaking at the end. What had happened to him? He used to be so good at lying.

“Dean, I need you to be completely honest with me. There is nothing wrong in admitting you’re being abused by your father, it is not your fault. But by admitting this we can help to make it stop.”

“No, no it wasn’t dad.”

She leaned back in her chair, sighing heavily.

“Ms. Andersen had reasons for believing this, and I want to go to the bottom with it.”

She paused, looking around the room. “How about we get to know each other a little better? I’m Naomi Crafford, but you can call me Naomi. And you Mr. Winchester, would you like to present yourself?”

“I told you, it wasn’t dad! I just got in a fight with some guys.”

“Okay Mr. Winchester,” Naomi leaned back in her chair again and sighed. “You are free to go.”

Dean hurriedly stood up and walked out on his crutches. He didn’t want anyone finding out about this, especially not Sam. He knew that it wasn’t supposed to be happening, but if it keep going on meant Sam wouldn’t find out, he’d rather have that. Sam would be heartbroken if he ever found out his beloved father was anywhere close to abusive.

~~~~~

Dean was hiding in the bathroom when Sam found him. He hadn’t wanted to socialise with anyone after the conversation with the vice principal, so instead he went and hid. Not mature, he knew that, but he couldn’t do anything else. He’d started to become spineless lately, he couldn’t even lie without making it painfully visible!

“Um, Dean? The vice principal wanted to talk with us. Have you done something again?” Sam’s voice was accusing during the last sentence.

“That wasn’t such a big deal! I was just kissing her!”

“Apparently the school didn’t think so. Come on now, they wanted us in Mrs. Craffords office immediately.”

Dean slowly limped after Sam on his crutches. He knew what this was about, but he wished it wasn’t. He didn’t want Sam to know.

Sam knocked on the door when they got there. It was immediately opened, Mrs. Crafford letting them in. There was already a few people there. One of them Dean recognized as the principal Mr. Metatron Hafford, and the other one he thought could be the school’s counselor.

_Oh man._

“Mr. Winchester, welcome back. I’m sorry to inform you that the last meetings subject needs to be discussed again.” She sat down in her chair, putting her hands together and placing them on her desk. “As you can see, I have invited a few more people who will help solving this matter.”

“Now, Mr. Winchester — Sam — are you aware of the nature of this meeting?”

“Um,” Sam said, looking around the room and finally stopping on Dean, “no?”

“Ms. Andersen made us aware of a situation I am sure you know of. This is all regarding your brother's wounds and bruises. She voiced concerns that need to be discussed. Mr. Winchester, would you like to share this with your brother?”

Why did she make him do this? “Maja, uh, thought dad, had done this.”

“Dad?! Why would she think dad did this?! He wouldn’t do something like this!”

_If only you knew._

“We got home, dad was uh, drunk and I asked her to take it some other time, since dad was there. I hadn’t thought he would be. I guess that’s why she thought he did it, or something.”

“I thought you got attacked by some guys. How did that happen if you were at home?”

“I went out. It was boring at home.”

“Now, Mr. Winchester, Ms. Andersen did voice some serious concerns. We need to examine this thoroughly.”

“I know that it’s not easy to admit to abuse, especially from parents,” the counselor said. “We just wants the best for you.”

“It wasn’t dad!”

The counselor turned to Sam. “Do you know of anything that would point to it being your dad? Anything he’s done in the past, for example.”

“Dad wouldn’t do something like this.”

“It’s not always easy to notice something like this if your are not exposed to it. Can you think of anything, anything at all?”

“I know Dean has been bruised before, maybe not this bad, but he’s always had a way of pissing of people. It can’t have been dad, he wasn’t even home all the time Dean got bruised. He’d be gone on a business trip for a few days. Dad would never abuse Dean.”

_You sure don’t know him as well as you think you do._

“If it wasn’t your dad, would you mind explaining the details about your bruises?”

“I went out, meet some guys and they were mad. Something about having kissed the girlfriend of one of them.They beated me up a bit. I don’t know who they were.”

~~~~~

As soon as he was released from the discussions Dean hurried away to find someone. Someone for time in a closet. Preferable a guy. He found a guy he knew was gay and almost attacked. Well, he didn’t attack him, he just got up close in his personal space.

“Hey,” he whispered sensually in the boy’s ear.

The boy was startled, staring at Dean with big eyes. Then his lips turned up into a smirk.

“I’m Nathan, you are Dean, and now, you and I will hurry to a closet.” He didn’t say it like he figured out that was what Dean wanted, but like that was what he wanted. Dean actually found it quite hot that he just took control like that.

Nathan took a hold of the front of Dean’s hoodie and dragged him to the closest closet. He didn’t waste a second when they’d gotten there, his lips was on Dean in an instance.

_He’s taller than me._

Dean noticed that when he had to angle his head slightly up instead of down as he was used to. Nathan had him pressed up against the wall, a leg pressed in between his legs. His rubbing was slowly but steadily making Dean hard, something he had not planned. He could feel himself sway slightly on his crutches, but he didn’t want to stop this just because of that.

“You might be a closet-case, but I promise you are going to _love_  this.”

Nathan sank down to his knee when he’d said it. His hand fumbled with the sipper of Dean’s jeans, showing that maybe he wasn’t as confident as he let on. Dean didn’t care.

He pulled down Dean’s jeans and boxers, exposing Dean’s erection to the cold air. Nathan breathed a hot breath on it, making Dean shudder. He moaned when a tongue swept out and licked him. God, he was definitely loving this.

The head of his cock was suddenly enveloped by Nathan’s hot, wet mouth. Dean moaned, swaying on his crutches again. Nathan sank down deeper on Dean’s erection, making a small humming sound as he did.

“Oh, fuck,” Dean breathed, completely in bliss.

“Told you you would love it.”

Dean whimpered when the hotness disappeared. He was so hard, and the air was to chill. Then it was right back, this time with a hand stroking him too. Dean could feel pressure building in him, running down to his cock. He threw his head back, moaning loudly when he came, right in Nathan’s mouth.

Nathan stood back up, moving in to kiss Dean. He sneaked his tongue into Dean’s mouth, letting him taste a bit of his own cum. As he did this, he pulled Dean’s jeans back up, sipping the zipper and doing the button.

Dean grimaced slightly at the taste of his own cum, but Nathan soon swallowed it down. His hands moved up to Dean’s hair, tugging at it.

“I hope I will see you again soon, Dean.”

Nathan looked him in the eyes, then leaned in and gave him a kiss, A kiss Dean could only think “ _Holy shit!_ ” about. It was slow, not rushed and hasty. It was slow in a way that almost made Dean swoon. Like, he could have actually agreed to be the boys boyfriend if he’d asked.

Then Nathan walked out the closet, sending a wink and a smirk over his shoulder.

~~~~~

Castiel was standing with his friends the day after he had talked to Dean. He had told the other boy he wouldn’t ask about the bruises, but he sure wanted to. Like, who had given him them, and why? He didn’t really care about Dean himself, he didn’t really have so much respect to him after all the swift partners he’d had. But he still cared that someone had obviously beaten him up pretty bad. Who wouldn’t?

“You are not going to believe what I just heard!”

Castiel turned his attention to Balthazar that had just come running.

“What?” Anna asked, trying to sound disinterested but failing at keeping the excitement out of her voice.

“Hannah said that someone had seen Nathan,” he paused letting everyone remember the school-famous gay boy, “walking out a janitor’s closet!”

“What’s the big deal about that? Like, what’s new about that?” Gabriel was frowning, sharing the non understanding with the whole group.

“That is in who walked out of it moments later!” Balthazar didn’t say any more after that.

“And? Who, are you going to tell us that?” Castiel asked, finally entering the conversation.

“Dean. Dean Winchester! The ‘fucking a different girl every day’ Dean!”

“No, you’re kidding,” Anna said, obviously not believing him.

“No, I’m actually not.”

"So, what? He’s into guys now?” Meg, who had previously seemed uninterested in the conversation, asked.

“Hell if I know. But God I hope he is, he’s fucking smoking hot!” Balthazar said almost drooling.

“Dude, he doesn’t have to be hot, you could fuck any guy you see,” Gabriel said, rolling his eyes.

“You are just jealous of my gayness.”

“No, I’m not, I’m perfectly fine like I am. Which you doesn’t seem to understand.”

“You realize this means Dean have even more ‘partners’, right?” Castiel said, almost spitting out the word partner. It was no secret he wasn’t a fan of Dean’s ways. Especially the way some girls had been hurt, thinking they actually had a chance with him. “I don’t like how he’s such a player, just screwing with people. Doesn’t he care about relationships at all?”

“Castiel, we are all very aware of this,” his brother said impatiently. “You've said it quite a few times. Also how you think someone should screw with him in return so that he will learn a lesson.”

“I kind of agree with him,” Anna butts in. “I know you do too, Gabriel.”

“I never said I didn’t!”

“You actually made it seem like you did,” Balthazar said, a playful smile on his face.

“You’re supposed to be my friend, take my side!”

Balthazar burst out laughing, locking his arm around Gabriel’s neck.

Castiel smiled, shaking his head at his friends. They were the best.

“We should try to get a boy with Dean too, not just girls,” Anna suggested.

“I’ll volunteer!” Balthazar exclaimed in excitement, raising his hand high.


	5. Chapter 5

Dean was sitting home alone in sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, eating ice-cream from a big bowl. There was a cartoon running on the tv, but Dean didn’t pay it too much mind. He was still hung up on the events in school a few days ago. He’d been seriously scared that they would find out the thing about his father.

He’d decided to call in sick today. Because honestly? He was feeling really fucking down. Not even the memory of Nathan’s glorious mouth made him feel better. He was debating on calling the boy; he’d snuck a note with his number into Dean’s jeans. John was away, so for that reason it wouldn’t be a problem.

Dean picked up his phone, staring at the display. Should he?

_Eh, what the fuck._

He dialed the number before he could change his mind. Several tones went by before someone answered.

“Hello?”

“I’m home. Alone. It’s kind of boring.”

“I’ll be there in … ten.”

Huh, that went well. Not at all like he’d thought. He’d actually thought Nathan would just laugh at him, say he was just screwing with him. That was probably the worst thing someone could do to him; pretend they care when in fact they doesn’t.

Exactly ten minutes later there was a knock on the door. Dean went up on his crutches, turning off the tv as he passed on the way to the door. He opened a small gap and peered out. When he saw Nathan standing there he opened the door full way, letting the other boy in.

“It’s uh, very small.”

“Better than a motel room at least,” Dean replied, not really thinking about what he said.

“You’ve lived in a motel room?” Nathan asked in disbelief.

“We move around a lot, dad hasn’t always seen it necessary to get an apartment.”

“What have you been doing all day,” Nathan asked, looking around the room.

“Watching tv,” Dean replied, absentmindedly rubbing his neck.

“You're so cute,” Nathan said, looking directly at Dean.

Dean could feel himself starting to blush, so he went over to the couch, sitting down in embarrassment. Nathan came right after him, but instead of sitting down, he laid up Dean’s leg on the couch. Then he straddled Dean, to his surprise.

“You are so freaking cute,” Nathan said and leaned down to the level of Dean’s head. “And so goddamn fucking hot.”

He leaned down over Dean’s laying form and kissed him. Not kissed him like he was looking for a fuck, but like he honestly just wanted to kiss Dean. He kind of actually liked it.

He let himself relax, melting into the kiss. His hand moved up Nathan’s body, exploring like he hadn’t been able to during their last encounter.

They kept going like that, just kissing. It was something comforting in it that Dean couldn’t really describe. It was nice to have someone there who just wanted to kiss him, not demand more.

Dean stiffened when he heard voices walking up to the front door.

“What am I doing here?” Nathan asked suddenly, breaking their kiss.

“What?”

“Someone or several are coming here, and you are a closet-case. So what will we tell them I’m doing here?”

“God, you are so nice,” Dean said, pulling him down by the front of his shirt for one more kiss. “I don’t know, you make up something.”

Nathan moved of him, turning on the tv. He carefully lifted Dean’s leg, sitting down on the couch and placing Dean’s legs in his lap.

“Dean, I brought home a few friends to study!” Sam called into the house when he opened the door. When he saw Nathan he stopped, obviously quite shocked. Which Dean could understand since he never brought home friends, just people to do inappropriate things with. And they were always girls, so why would this boy be one of them?

“Dean, who’s this?” Sam asked slowly.

“A guy from school,” Dean replied without taking his eyes of the tv.

“I came to give him a little work from school, but I forgot my bag there,” Nathan explained, faking an embarrassed smile.

Dean was slightly concerned about his legs being in Nathan's lap, but it wasn't typical ‘Dean with a girl’ behaviour, so Sam shouldn't be suspecting anything.

It wasn't that he didn't want to come out, it was just that he didn't know if he should or not. It felt like this wasn't a good moment, but in fact it probably was one of the best moments he could get. Well, aside from Sam's friends of course. Though it was definitely better than Sam finding him in bed with a boy. The poor soul would be traumatized for life. Finding him with a guy fucking him, pounding into him again, and again ... Maybe he should stop before he got hard. It wasn’t something he wanted when San was in the same room. If only Sam and his friends hadn't been there...

He shifted on the couch, and by mistake rubbed against Nathan's crotch. A very tent-like and hard crotch. If only Sam wasn't there.

Nathan glared at him, to which Dean responded with an innocent smile.

"Dean?"

"Yeah," he replied, looking up at his brother.

"Do you think you two could go into your room? We'll call for you later."

"Uh, okay," suspicion was dripping from his voice. "Why?"

"Me, Charlie, Kevin and Jess are going to do something, and you are not allowed to see right away. You must go in you room and stay there. Do not come out until we say so."

Dean sighed but picked up his crutches and walked to his room. When they'd gotten inside he locked the door and turned to Nathan.

"Do you have something so we can play music?"

"Yeah, why?" Soon after he said it, realization dawned on his face and he smirked. "I see."

He pulled out a small speaker from his pocket and plugged it in his phone. Soon after music filled the room.

"Perfect.”

Dean sat down on his bed, placing the crutches on the floor. He patted the spot beside him, wanting Nathan to sit down there. Instead Nathan crawled onto the bed and pulled Dean with him up. When they were splayed across the bed, Nathan on top, they started kissing. This time it was more of a 'I want to fuck your brains out' than a 'I want to kiss you for the sake of kissing you'. But given the situation, that was just logical.

For a few minutes they just laid there, making out like crazy. Dean actually forgot his brother was just on the other side of the door, so into the moment to even care. When the kissing wasn’t enough anymore, clothes was starting to get shed.

This was about when Dean remembered Sam.

“Wait, wait,” Dean said before Nathan could remove their boxers. “Sam is,” he had to moan at the pleasure of Nathan’s hand on his crotch, “right there.”

“We’ll be quiet, plus we have the music.” He leaned down, breathing right in Dean’s ear. “They won’t hear a thing.”

Dean couldn’t resist when Nathan’s hand snuck down his boxers, teasing him.

“It’s been so long since I got fucked by a boy,” Dean moaned.

“Well, well. Got some experience I see,” Nathan purred with a smirk.

“Would you just do something already,” Dean growled and then pointed to his dresser. “There’s lube and condoms in there.”

Nathan didn’t waste any time taking their boxers off and then move to get the lube and condoms. Dean stared at his body as he went, enjoying the view. Nathan crawled up his body when he got back, staring hungrily at Dean as he did. He had a finger lubed up within a few seconds. Dean could feel his body tense up a bit when said finger circled around his hole.

“Relax, it’ll hurt otherwise.”

“It’ll hurt either way!” Dean hissed at him.

“Yeah, but it’ll hurt more if you’re tense,” Nathan replied smugly, a smile playing on his lips. “Come on now.”

He bent forward and kissed Dean, his other hand gripping Dean’s erection and stroked slowly. It distracted him and he didn’t notice at first when the finger entered him. He cried out in pain, but was soon quieted by Nathan’s kiss.

“Shh, we don’t want anyone to hear.”

Nathan worked his finger in Dean for at least a minute more, finally making him relax full out. Then entered a second finger, making Dean tense up once again. At the same time that it was painful, Nathan’s stroking of his erection filled him with lust.

It didn’t take as long time to get him loose with the second finger, and soon the third finger joined the two first. Within a minute he was loose, and …

_Holy shit!_

Nathan’s finger had found his prostate, making him moan out loud.

“See, wasn’t all too painful when you relaxed.”

“Move!” Dean growled, hoping Nathan understood exactly what he meant.

Apparently he did, because he removed his fingers and reached for the condom. He open it as fast as he possibly could without ripping it, and gasped when he rolled it on himself. Dean watched him the whole time, his hand stroking himself slowly.

“This _might_  hurt a bit,” Nathan told him as he lined up at Dean’s entrance.

“I know, I’ve done this before,” Dean replied, his voice drowned in lust.

Nathan pushed in slowly, trying his hardest to not make it painful for Dean. He gave Dean time to adjust, but judging by the small moans he made, it wasn’t easy for him to stay still. Dean took the initiative and locked his legs around Nathan’s hips, pushing him in as he did.

“Move, just move,” Dean said, voice breaking from his lust.

Nathan responded in seconds, pushing into Dean with maybe just a bit more force than he liked. Though Nathan noticed right away and slowed down, if only just slightly. It wasn’t really possible for anyone of them to stop right now.

It didn’t actually take long for Nathan to hit Dean’s prostate with his thrusts. It made Dean moan out loud, and he was happy that they had the music playing to drown any sounds they made. He would die if Sam heard him having sex with Nathan.

Even though he was used to these kinds of encounters, he felt the orgasm nearing way to quickly. He blamed it on not having had sex with a guy for a long time. The last time was … actually, last time was the first time, that time with Rick. He hadn’t had full out sex with a guy since then, but a few blowjobs or handjobs here and there had occurred.

A hit on his prostate mixed with Nathan’s stroking almost sent him over the edge, but he fought it, wanting this to last longer.

“Come on, you can come. That’s what I’m trying to make you do!” Nathan said the last with a laugh, showing Dean that it was okay.

Nathan bent down to Dean’s neck, trailing small kisses over it. He nibbled at a spot just below Dean’s air. An area that turned out quite sensitive as the gesture made Dean moan and groan at the same time. Another thrust to his prostate, this time with a flick of Nathan’s wrist over the head of his cock, and he was sent all the way over the edge. He came over Nathan’s hand, a bit of it spilling to his own stomach. Nathan followed soon after, coming with a long moan and a hard thrust.

“That, was very good,” Nathan commented as he pulled out of Dean.

“Mmh-hmm,” Dean hummed as an answer. He felt sated and tired. The fact that he knew he had to get dressed didn’t mean he wanted to.

Nathan moved to the side of the bed, rolling off the condom. He threw it in the bin and dried of his hand on a napkin he took from his jeans pocket. He got dressed as Dean stayed on the bed just watching him.

“Are you going to get dressed today, or are you going to let your brother find you naked in this room with me?”

Dean glared at him but moved to the side of the bed to retrieve his clothes. Some were thrown away out of his reach, but Nathan gave him them. He had to fiddle a little with his boxers and jeans since he couldn’t really stand up and put them on. His foot still hurt when he stood on it. When they’d gotten dressed, they sat on the edge of the bed and kissed until a knock was heard on the door over the music.

“You can come out now! Or rather, you should come out of there now!” Sam’s voice was just barely heard over the loud music.

Dean picked up his crutches and stood up as Nathan turned of the music. When Dean opened the door a wave of pizza smell hit him.

“You’ve made pizza?!” Dean asked in ecstasy. It was one of his favourite foods.

“Kevin’s parents owns a pizzeria, so he’s actually really good at making them,” Sam explained. “I thought I’d surprise you.”

Dean smiled and hugged his brother. Sometimes he was really amazed by how much he loved his brother, and how much he seemed to love him in return.

“You’re the best, you know that, right?" Dean beamed at his brother.

The small table in the kitchen was set, two extra chairs place at it. A big pizza rested in the center of the table, giving of a delicious scent. Dean went over and sat down, Nathan following after him like a puppy.

“Have you really had time to study too?” Dean asked Sam and his friends when they were all seated, a piece of pizza on each of their plates.

“Yeah, a little, the pizza have been in the oven and all, so,” Sam answered, a slightly guilty look on his face.

“Dude, I don’t care if you haven’t study,” Dean said around his piece of pizza. So maybe he was a sloppy eater, but who cared? Not he at least.

“Really attractive, Dean,” Nathan muttered under his breath.

“I don’t care,” He answered while chewing on a mouthful of pizza.

“Seriously, Dean?” Sam complained.

“Fine,” Dean said and swallowed,” I’ll ‘eat nicely’.”

“So,” the red haired girl Dean guessed was Charlie said, “you’ve kissed Maja. How is she?”

“What?” Dean asked confused. That was not a question he had expected.

“How is she to kiss? You should know that, right? I haven’t been able to find out on my own.”

Dean just stared at her. Why the hell did she want to know _that_?!

“I’m lesbian,” Charlie clarified.

“I’m bi,” Dean said as a ‘spur of the moment thing’, not really knowing why he said it.

To his left he could hear Nathan almost choke on his piece of pizza. Sam though didn’t show any shock at all.

“I know,” Sam stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“What?!” This time it was Dean’s time to be shocked.

“Remember Rick? The locker rooms weren’t an all too good idea.”

“How did you know that?!”

“I saw you,” Sam said and cringed. “That is something I don’t want to see again. And I know exactly what we interrupted when we got here today.”

“Okay, well, I didn’t expect this;” Dean said, still slightly in shock. But Sam had seen him getting fucked! By a _boy_  nonetheless!

“So, how is Maja? You never answered.”

“I got a little distracted,” Dean retorted back. “She’s good at kissing, I guess.”

~~~~~~~~

A few days later his foot didn’t hurt as much anymore, and after a quick trip to the hospital it was made clear that he didn’t need the crutches anymore. It was a relief, being able to walk normally without something that slowed him down. Though his ribs still hurt to his dismay. They almost hurt worse than before.

Thought that might have been his fault. Well, he hadn’t meant to fall down and hit them, so it wasn’t _really_  his fault. But he showed of his brave face, hoping they hadn’t been damaged badly. Like, _broken_  damaged.

When he got to school the day after everyone was staring at him again. And yeah, that wasn’t creepy at all. But he didn’t know _why_  they were staring. From what he knew, he hadn’t done anything. He walked in, looking around him as he went.

After a few minutes he found Benny, quickly walking up to him.

“Why is everyone staring at me?” he asked the other boy in a hushed voice.

“There’s a rumor goin’ around that you’re gay,” Benny replied in the same hushed voice. “An other version is that you’re just into boys too, not gay. I think it has somethin’ to do with someone sayin’ they saw you walkin’ out of the same closet as Nathan. Which you obviously can’t have done.”

Dean avoided Benny’s gaze

“You did?! That’s kinda stupid you know. He’s famous in this whole school, just because he’s gay!”

“I don’t think he’s told anyone though,” Dean said.

“Naver said he did, but someone saw you together.”

“Can’t say I hate everyone knowing, but I’d rather it’d been on my terms.”

“Well, gotta go now, see you, Dean,” Benny said when the first bell went off.

~~~~~~~~

It was lunch break, and Dean was suspicious.

All of a sudden, for no apparent reason, Balthazar had gone up to him. _Balthazar_! The guy was one of Castiel’s friend and he’d never made any attempt at nearing Dean before. It made him feel like something was up, like there were ulterior motives behind his action. The fact that he wanted to take Dean to a closet should also make him more suspicious of it.

He didn’t know what made him decide, but he’d agreed to it. So now he was in a small closet with a guy he didn’t know if he could trust or not. A guy that, okay, could kiss really good. He’d have to give him that.

“I can’t help but to ask,” Balthazar said and broke the kiss, “Who exactly beat you up?”

Dean stared at him, starting to feel that this might not actually have been a good idea.

“I was just wondering ‘cause Castiel was really worried. But he didn’t want to ask you.”

“You’ve probably already heard it,” Dean growled, could feel his temper rise. He was suddenly very annoyed. “I pissed of a few guys.”

He roughly pulled Balthazar back in, hoping that it would make him forget about it. At least it made him stop asking and instead keep kissing Dean. They made out for at least ten minutes, all the time Balthazar interrupting to say something like how he thought Dean was so hot or sexy.

~~~~~~~~

Apparently Dean had done something wrong, because when school ended he found out he had detention. Usually he knew when he’d angered the school staff, but not this time. Still, he trudged his way to the detention room when classes had ended for the day.

The room was empty except for a teacher he didn’t know when he got there. She only looked up at him when he entered, didn’t say anything or point for somewhere he should sit. Instead he made his way to the back of the room and sat down, hoping this would be over quickly. After about five minutes the teacher picked up a book and started to read. After a few more minutes the door opened.

When Dean looked up he was startled to see Castiel standing there. The other boy looked around the room and then walked to the back where Dean sat. He pulled out a chair and sat down beside Dean.

“Hello, Dean,” he said but didn’t look at him.

First when Dean answered with an unsure “hey” did he look at him.

“They wanted me to go here and ask you who beat you up,” Castiel said bluntly.

When Dean didn’t do anything but stare at him he continued. “But I don’t really want to. My family owns a home for boys who’s gotten in trouble, so I know that you might not always want to talk about what has happened. I also know how hard, kinda painful, it can be when no one believes what you say. But Dean,” he turned his head fully to Dean and stared at him with attentive blue eyes, “I also know that you might not always want to say the truth. Because it’s mentally painful.”

He took something out of his pocket and held it out for Dean. “Here, I brought you another apple. I know you don’t eat a lot, so I thought you might maybe be hungry.”

Dean careful took the apple and took a bite, even though he wasn’t sure if he really should. He barely knew Castiel, he had no idea why Castiel actually did all this.

“I know you don’t understand why I do this. But honestly? I’m just worried. Because Mrs. Crafford said that Sam had said this wasn’t the first time. And whether it’s the same person all the time or you’re just prone to piss of people, it’s something that should be fixed. It’s not healthy to be wounded like this so often. And if it’s caused by one person all the time, it’s highly likely that you aren’t feeling so good mentally.

“I use to help Sonny over at the boy’s home, and I’m very interested in psychology. I know that it’s easy to start feeling bad mentally, I would never look down on someone who does.”

Dean shifted in his chair feeling a wave of uneasy hit him. He did not like were this was going.

“Dean, I’m not going to pry. You obviously don’t want to talk, so I won’t make you.”

Castiel patted him lightly on his shoulder, his hand lingering there a little longer than maybe was necessary. Still, Dean could feel himself melt towards the touch, missing the heat of it when Castiel removed the hand.

“Um… How do you like the rumor going around?” Castiel asked awkwardly after a few minutes quietness.

“How, what, exactly do you mean?” Dean said fixing him with a stare that he hoped was intimidating.

“I just… I just wondered what you think about having a rumor that might not be true running around about you. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked, I know. But the, uh, silence was getting awkward.”

“Would you like having a rumor about you going around?” Dean asked him bluntly, almost hoping he made him uncomfortable.

“I guess not,” Castiel asked, looking away from Dean.

Another few minutes went by in complete silence before Dean decided to break it.

“Can you get me out of this detention?” When Castiel just looked questioningly at him he felt he needed to fill in. “I don’t even know why I’m in detention. Usually I know why, but I can’t think of anything I would have done.”

“I’ll try and see what I can do,” Castiel replied with a smile.

Dean couldn’t help but smile back, to which his cheeks heated up when Castiel walked up to the teacher. Why did he have to smile back?! He was such an idiot!

Castiel got back about a minute later, the smile still on his lips. He gestured for the door, showing Dean that he should follow him. Dean could feel himself smile an unintentional smile of gratitude to the other boy. Castiel was turning out to be a much better person than Dean originally thought.

Castiel followed him all the way out of school, were he gripped Dean’s arm, stopping him from going further.

“Do you want a ride home?”

Dean eyed Castiel curiously, and then said an way too happy “sure” for his own liking. What was seriously happening to him lately?!

Castiel steered him to a beige-looking Lincoln Continental, a ‘78 mark V if he had to guess. Without a word Castiel sat down behind the steering wheel, leaving Dean to himself. He quickly got in, so that Castiel wouldn’t have time to change his mind. Dean gave him the directions for his house before Castiel started up the engine.

The ride only took a few minutes. Just as Dean was on his way out of the car, Castiel stopped him by grabbing his arm.

“I know this might sound weird coming from me, but please, try to eat more. At least something every meal, don’t skip them.”

Castiel’s eyes were almost pleading, and Dean felt a need to defend himself.

“I actually ate pizza yesterday, Sam and his friends had made it.”

“That’s good, Dean,” Castiel said with a genuine smile.

It took Dean a few moments before he could tear his gaze from Castiel, but when he did he hurried out of the car, feeling slightly embarrassed.

He almost ran to the door, closing it shut behind him with maybe a little too much force. Sam looked up from where he was studying on the couch, a questioning look on his face.

“Nothing,” Dean told him and walked to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

He was done within short, setting the table for him and Sam since their father still was away. He contemplated not eating, but remembering Castiel’s word he decided he actually would, at least today.

“Sam, dinner's ready,” he said to his brother when everything was done.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean had promised himself that he would never get close to and like anyone but Sam.

He’d failed miserably at that.

He really hadn’t meant to, but somewhere along the road, he’d started to like Castiel. Maybe it was because of how he helped him and actually seemed like he cared. But that, this whole thing, would bring Dean under. There was a reason he’d decided not to like anyone. He wouldn’t be able to handle it when they eventually moved. He had the ability to miss a lot. To the point where it wasn’t healthy, far from healthy.

And maybe, just maybe, he found Castiel kinda hot too.

It was during geography class it happen what would only happen in a story. And Dean’s life was not a story, thank you very much.

Their next assignment was a group project, and he got paired up with — wait for it — Castiel. Out of all the people in that class he got paired with Castiel. The one person aside from Sam that he actually really liked. Either it was faith, or the universe just wanted him miserable when they moved the next time, moved away from this town.

They were suppose to prepare a presentation about a country, and of course they were pre-assigned them too. Dean didn’t even pay attention to the country they were assigned, hoping Castiel would pick up that information.

When the teacher had finished his explanation of the work, Castiel stood up and walked for the door, Dean hurrying after him. Castiel lead the way to the library, sitting down in a small couch with just enough place for Dean too.

“So, have you ever been to Sweden?” Castiel asked and startled Dean. Why would he ask a question like that?

“What?”

“Have you, you know, been to Sweden?” Castiel asked again, this time like he was talking to a 5 year old. “That would probably be helpful for this assignment.

Dean gave him a dumb stare and Castiel sighed.

“You didn’t pay attention,” He concluded. “We were assigned Sweden. Do you know anything about it?”

“It’s, uh, in Africa?”

Castiel sighed and put his head in his hands. “No, it’s in Europe.”

“Yeah, it’s that country with the Alps!”

“No, that is Switzerland,” Castiel clarified calmly.

“Then where is it?”

“In the Nordics, or Scandinavia if you’d like.”

“How can it be in two places?” Dean asked, even more confused now than before.

“It’s not. Simply explained the Nordics and Scandinavia is two different names for the same place, well, mostly the same place. Though Scandinavia is smaller and technically placed _in_ the Nordics.”

“That just sounds way too complicated.”

“You get used to it. Me and my family actually lived there for about a year a few years ago.”

“So, you can speak Swedish?”

“Det är väl klart att jag kan.”

“The hell did you just say?!” Though his voice held a bit of amazement.

“‘Of course I can’,” Castiel explained. “Though, it’s a bit hard to translate literally.”

“So, what are we even supposed to be doing?” Dean asked, deciding it was time to get it done.

“We’ll hold a presentation later about the basic fact — such as language, flag, numbers of inhabitants — history, culture, traditions, and pretty much whatever more we want.”

Dean threw his head back and groaned. “This sounds like so much work.”

“It won’t be if we work together. It might even be fun!”

Dean just gave him something close to one of Sam’s bitch faces at Castiel’s last sentence.

“Okay, fine, you got me there,” Castiel said with a laugh. “But we can at least try to make it bearable.”

~~~~~~~~

Dean _might_  have fallen asleep on Castiel’s shoulder halfway through their work, not that  he would admit it.

Castiel gently shook him awake, whispering for him to wake up. The lesson was apparently over, so Dean couldn’t sleep any longer.

“Hey Cas, thanks for not waking me earlier,” Dean said with a yawn when Castiel was about to leave.

Castiel abruptly turned around and stared at him.

“What?” Dean asked in confusion, his head tipped to the side.

“You called me ‘Cas’,” Castiel said, and his voice was kind of distance, like he didn’t know what to do with that information.

“Uh, sorry ‘bout that,” Dean said and rubbed his neck. “I use to shorten people's name most of the time.”

“Don’t worry, it’s fine,” Castiel replied with a small smile before he walked away.

_Dammit!_

Dean almost loved those small smiles, because it made him feel like he’d done something good for once. Something that was worth smiling for. He didn’t feel like that often, and it almost always exclusively involved Sam in some way. His dad never made him feel like that.

That thought was all too saddening, so Dean tried to push it to the back of his mind. Unfortunately, that almost always made him focus even more on it. He was really messed up, and most of it could be explained from how his father treated him. He knew it wasn’t supposed to be like that, but he was the only parent he had, and Sam loved the man. He couldn’t hurt Sam like that.

He could run these thoughts again and again through his mind, but he never found a way for them to stop. They were always there, lurking in the back of his mind. Waiting for a weak point to break free, come right to the front. They always found a way back, he could never hold them off for long. He could repair the weak point, build up a wall around it, but the thoughts just found a new weak spot, a tear in the wall of his mind. A weak point they attacked, made their presence felt once again. It was sickening him, but he had no way of stopping it, not even a way of slowing it down. It only weakened his mind instead, and the thoughts came right back.

He felt like shit, didn’t even have the energy for any more lessons. He stood up stiffly, walking out of the library, making his way to the front doors. When he got outside he hurriedly walked away, deciding to go home.

~~~~~~~~

Castiel was standing outside the classroom, closely watching everyone that walked out of it. When all students had filled out and he still had seen no sign of Dean, he walked inside.

“Excuse me,” he said to the teacher sorting through some papers. “Do you know where Dean is?”

“Mr. Winchester? No, in fact, there’s several other who has missed him from their lessons.”

“Oh,” Castiel responded dejectedly. “Thank you anyway.”

He walked out, wondering what to do next. He’d hope to catch Dean before he went home to discuss their need to meet outside of the geography lessons to finish the assignment. While he walked to his car he decided that he could at least try and see if Dean was at home.

When he’d parked outside the house he made his way out of the car. The house was dark, not a sign pointed towards someone actually being home. He rang the doorbell anyway, hoping someone would answer.

The door opened a moment later, revealing a man with few resemblance to Dean. He swayed where he stood, making Castiel suspect that he was drunk.

“I’m looking for Dean,” he said to the man, hoping that he’d gotten to the right house.

The man grunted and moved out of the way to let him in. Castiel took a few doubtful steps into the house, stopping when he didn’t know where to go.

“He’s there,” the man said and pointed towards a door in the living room.

Castiel walked up to the door — the door closest to the hall — and knocked. When he didn’t get an answer he carefully opened it, hoping that it was okay. The room was small and dark, but he still closed the door behind himself. He stroked the wall to the right, looking for a light switch. When the light was turned on he gasped in surprised.

Dean was curled up on the bed, his arms around his torso. He looked to be in pain, and a few drops of sweat covered his forehead.

“Dean!” He moved to the bed, squatting down beside it. “Are you okay?”

The other boy groaned to answer, a look of pain crossed his features.

“What happened?” Castiel asked him in worry.

“I… I fell on the edge of the bed,” Dean replied with his teeth bit together hard.

“Do you think you can sit up?”

“Don’t know.”

With Castiel’s help Dean managed to sit up, but he was leaning heavily against Castiel’s shoulder. His arms were still around his torso, which worried Castiel. He’d hit something when he fell, and if he was unlucky he could have damaged his ribs.

“How exactly are you feeling?” Castiel asked to try and see how bad the damage was.

Though before he could get an answer Dean hurriedly stood up and almost ran out the room. Castiel ran after him, finding him in the bathroom throwing up. He sank to his knees beside Dean, gently patting his back to let him know he was there.

When he’d stopped throwing up Dean groaned, with a low voice saying: “My head hurts.”

“Come on,” Castiel said and helped Dean to his feet. “I’m taking you to the hospital.”

Dean didn’t refuse or offer resistance, he just followed Castiel out to the car. Castiel tried to drive within the speed limits, but he was worried. Since Dean had both thrown up and had a headache, it was very likely that he’d gotten a concussion when he fell.

~~~~~~~~

Dean was sitting on a bed in a examination room in the hospital. They had just x-rayed his ribcage, it had something to do with him having already suffered a damaged to the ribs. Castiel was standing to his side and they were waiting for the doctor to come back and give Dean his doom.

Phrased like that it sounded much worse than it probably was, but Dean was worried they would pry too deep into  _how_  he got hurt. Because he obviously didn’t fall on the edge of his bed.

The door opened and Dean and Castiel looked up. In walked the doctor, looking through some paper Dean guessed was his journal. He sat down in a desk chair and turned to Dean.

“You have broken one of your ribs, and you also suffered another slight concussion. You will get painkillers prescribed, and refrain from any physical labour for the coming weeks. Do also try to be careful of this happening again. Too many concussion close to each other can cause long-term damages to the brain.

“Now, you said you got hurt when you fell on the edge of your bed, correct?”

“Yeah,” Dean answered, fighting the urge to squirm under the doctor’s scrutinising gaze.

“In that case, you were highly unlucky, seeing as these damages would normally require more… violent causes. It can be explained by your previous damages, though.”

He turned to his desk, clicking on something on his computer. A few seconds later a paper was printed, which he gave to Dean.

“This is the prescription of your painkillers, take them as ordinated. If you start to experience laboured breathing, dizziness, more headaches than can be expected, or something else out of the ordinary, please do immediately come back here. Now you are free to go.”

Dean stood up relieved and walk to the door, Castiel’s footsteps following behind him. They went to the pharmacy and took out his medicine before walking back out to Castiel’s car. Castiel drove them back to Dean’s house in silence. He hadn’t said a word since they got to the hospital, and it was starting to make Dean feel strange. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but a voice in the back of his mind said it was because he liked Castiel. Because he liked Cas and didn’t want him to not speak to him.

When Cas parked Dean opened the door and made his way out of the car. He’d started walking towards the house when he heard a car door open and close behind him. He turned around and saw Cas walks towards him. As he looked back he continued walking, leading to him almost falling over. Though Cas was by him quickly and caught him. It was amazing how often that seemed to happen.

“Thanks,” he said in a voice that broke embarrassingly as he looked right into Castiel’s mesmerizing blue eyes.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Behind him he could hear the door open and Sam’s voice exclaim: “Dean!”

He turned around to his brother and smiled. “I’m fine, kid.”

“I’m not a kid, Dean,” he responded with his trademark bitchface. “And you are not okay. What happened?”

“I took him to the hospital,” Cas answered instead of Dean. “He’d thrown up and had a headache. It turned out he’d suffered a concussion, and one of his ribs are broken. He said he fell on the edge of the bed. According to the doctor it got worse because of his previous injuries.”

Sam held the door open and Cas steared Dean inside the house. He tried to break away from Cas’s hold but to no use. Cas gripped hard on his arm, determined to support Dean and not let him fall again. He helped him all the way to the bed where he sat him down. Dean, although he didn’t want to admit it, was relieved over the fact that Cas didn’t just walk away. Instead he sat down beside Dean, keeping an arm around his back for support.

Sam had followed them into Dean’s room, probably to hear more details about what happened to Dean. He had a worried look on his face, and Dean felt bad for having caused it.

“Dean, I’m hungry!” John’s voice could be heard through the door, breaking the silence.

Dean made a move to get up, but both Sam and Cas stopped him. Instead Sam headed out the door.

“I want to cook, can I do that?” Sam’s voice was heard saying, most likely to their father.

“Of course, kid,” their dad replied. Dean could imagine the hair-ruffling he did as he said it. It was no secret from Dean that John did in fact like Sam more than Dean. He’d never done any of what he did to Dean towards Sam, not a single time.

“Hey, Dean,” Cas said in a gentle voice. “I have to go home. Try to be careful so you don’t hurt yourself any more, okay?”

Dean nodded. He didn’t trust his voice to say anything. Not when he wanted Cas to stay.

“Are you okay?” Cas asked with his head tilted to the side, gaze studying Dean intently.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Castiel made his way to the door, but before he got more than a few steps, Dean shot out his hand and stopped him.

“Wait.” He paused, not knowing exactly what he had planned to say. “Thanks for the help, Cas. I mean it.”

Before he could stop himself he gripped Cas’s shirt and pulled him down. With a beating heart he kissed him lightly on the lips, hoping for all he could that Castiel wouldn’t get mad at him. But Cas didn’t. Instead he kissed him back for a few seconds before pulling back. When he did, he smiled, a genuine smile that made Dean’s stomach feel like it was filled with butterflies.

“Bye, Dean, I’ll see you later.”

So, yeah, Dean hadn’t planned that. But, God, he did not regret it. And maybe he like Cas a lot more than he wanted. And maybe, just maybe, he was starting to fall in love with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean did not look forward to the next geography lesson.

Because quite frankly, he was feeling so embarrassed. Why did he have to have kissed Cas?! Now he would have to talk to and interact with him, all the time remembering the kiss. Plus, what was Cas thinking about it? He’d just left after Dean kissed him, and that did never bode well.

Regardless, Dean went to the library for the geography lesson. He hoped sincerely that Cas would be there too, that he hadn’t decided he didn’t want to be around Dean.

But Dean didn’t have to have worried. Cas sat in the same couch as last time when Dean got there. He looked up when he heard Dean’s footsteps, and he actually smiled. At Dean. So he couldn’t really have been mad at Dean.

He sat down beside Cas, trying to keep a little distance in case Cas was only being polite. To his surprise, Cas turned towards him, sneaking his left arm around Dean’s back. Then he leaned in, whispering in Dean’s ear: “How are you feeling?”

For the first following moments Dean couldn’t even move. He was surprised by Cas actions, and it wasn’t made better when Cas actually kissed the spot just below his ear.

“I’m fine.”

“That’s good.” He lingered there for a few more seconds and then pulled away after one more quick kiss.

“Now we need to start this. We don’t really have many more lessons, so we really need to finish, probably work on it after school time too.”

Dean groaned at that, made a face like he thought it was all too much work.

“Om du arbetar hårt kan du få fler kyssar, Dean.”

“The fuck? I only understood ‘Dean’ in that,” Dean said in confusion, both hating and being amazed by the fact that Cas talked Swedish.

“If you work hard you can get more kisses, Dean,” Cas clarified with his eyes on the work, not even glancing Dean’s way.

That sure made butterflies flutter in Dean’s stomach. Did Cas really want to kiss him? He must since he said that, or else he probably wouldn’t have. Right?

Geography was their last lesson for the day, and they decided to work over a little. Dean didn’t really want to, but he didn’t protest a lot, especially after Cas had given him a look, reminding him of what he’d said earlier.

Cas stretched his whole body after a while, and Dean took that as a sign he’d decided they were finished for the time being. He stretched too, hoping almost too much that he had worked hard enough so that he could get his kiss.

God, what was up with him lately? He was craving a kiss from a specific person?

He didn’t get much farther in his train of thoughts, because Cas said: “C’mere,” and pulled him in for a kiss. When he pulled back he started to collect his things.

“I’ll drive you home,” he said when he had collected all his things.

Dean sure didn’t complain about that.

When they’d gotten inside the car, Cas didn’t start the engine right away. Instead  he turned in his seat so he faced Dean, and leaned in again, kissing a surprised Dean.

This kiss was longer, soon developing into several kisses. When Cas’s tongue sneaked out of his mouth and licked Dean’s lips, he had to restrain a deep moan of pleasure. Instead he opened his mouth and met Cas’s tongue with his own.

“Maybe we should…” Castiel said when he pulled back. “So that your brother doesn’t wonder where you are.”

He started up the engine and drove away. Dean hadn’t said a thing, and yeah, he could admit that it was because of disappointment. He wanted to keep kissing Cas.

All too soon they were outside of Dean’s house. On impulse, he leaned towards Cas and gave him a quick kiss goodbye. Then he hurried out of the car, not wanting to hear what Cas had to say about it.

He hadn’t even closed the front door behind him before his dad was there.

“I want you to help carry branches from a tree I cut down. They’re in the backyard, but I have the trailer on the road.” Then he walked away, without waiting for Dean’s answer. But then again, John hadn’t asked for his help, he had  _demanded_  Dean’s help.

Dean sighed but trudged towards the backyard through the door in the living room. He had never actually been in the backyard, and he didn’t really see why he would have wanted to either. There were trees and bushes littered around, the grass high and unruly. It wasn’t inviting in any way at all.

His father was currently picking up a branch in the furthest end of the yard. Dean made his way over there, carefully stepping around small bushes and holes in the ground.

The tree John had taken down was big, if the huge pile of branches was anything to go on. And they were all pretty big. Dean could already feel his ribs hurting.

Regardless, he picked up a branch, starting to drag it towards the front yard. There was no way he’d be able to actually  _carry_  it.

It didn’t take many branches before his ribs started hurting more than usual. It started out as a low ache, but builded the more he carried. He understood why the doctor had said not to do any physical labour. Still, the option to tell John this was not in question. He’d just say that a broken rib hadn’t killed anyone and want Dean to carry even more.

In the end it was Sam that found a way out of it for Dean.

He met him when Dean had just gotten another branch to the front yard, John having just disappeared behind the house.

“Dean! You can’t do this, your ribs will seriously get damaged.”

“I don’t really have a choice, Sam.”

“Actually, you do,” Sam replied, a smug look on his face. “I got this idea: I’ll tell dad that school called and you need to be there now. You’ll just go now, somewhere, and I’ll help him instead.”

The look on Sam’s face didn’t invite to any protests, so Dean did as he said. He loaded the branch on the trailer and then walked away. Where to he didn’t know, but he could just call someone. Or rather, call Nathan, seeing as he didn’t have anyone else’s number.

The only problem was that Nathan didn’t answer.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Out of all the times he would not answer, the time when Dean wanted him to the most had to be when he didn’t. It made him slightly angry, but he told himself it wasn’t Nathan's fault.

While walking he’d just gotten to a small park, a bench standing close to where he was. He walked over to it and sat down in lack of anything better to do. He was starting to get hungry, but he didn’t have any money with him, so eating was out of the question. Of course the one time he actually wanted to eat would be when he absolutely couldn’t.

“What are you doing here?”

Dean looked up at the voice, seeing Cas standing outside of his car, the engine still running.

“I uh, had to leave for a while. Dad wanted help with carrying branches.”

Dean hoped it would be explanation enough and that Cas wouldn’t try to dig to deeper. Of course he had no such luck.

“Why didn’t you just tell him your rib is broken?”

“He doesn’t really think that fractures are a big deal. He always keep working even if he’s hurt. As long as he can stand and walk everything’s okay.”

Cas went back in the car, and for a moment Dean thought he would drive away. But he just turned off the engine and walked over to Dean, sitting down beside him.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Dean not knowing what and even if he should say something. The silence was broken when Dean’s stomach rumbled, indicating just how hungry he actually was.

“Come on.” Cas said and stood up, pulling Dean with him. “What’s your favourite food?”

The question caught Dean a little off guard but he still answered. “Burgers. Or rather cheeseburgers.”

Cas pulled them over to his car, pointing for Dean to get inside it. When they were both inside he drove away, not telling Dean where. He parked a few minutes later, outside what could only be a grill. Had he really brought Dean to a place to eat?

“I don’t have any money,” Dean said when Cas was about to get out.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll pay.” And then he just got out of the car, like paying for Dean’s food wasn’t a big deal.

When Dean walked inside the grill Cas was ordering two cheese burgers.

“What do you want to drink? Coke?”

Dean absentmindedly nodded and went over to a table when Cas indicated he should sit down. This was the first time ever for what he could remember that someone had payed for his meal, not counting John. Because you obviously couldn’t count his father in that seeing as it was he that had all the money. Dean never had his own.

Cas came to the table a few minutes later, two burgers and cokes in his hands. He handed one of them each to Dean and then sat down opposite him.

Dean started eating his before Cas had even gotten the wrapper of his. To say he was just hungry was an understatement. He was so looking forward to the burger. He hadn't had one in way too long.

He might have given away a small moan as he ate. Which he figured from the way Cas was staring at him.

"I haven't had a burger in way too long," he said as a way of explaining himself. "They're so delicious."

"These are very good," Cas said around a mouthful of food. "I definitely agree with you on that."

After that the silence pressed on. There were no small talk, and Dean could feel how that made this whole situation feel awkward. It felt like he was on a date, dammit! He didn’t do dates, regardless of whether it was with boys or girls. Dean Winchester did not go on dates.

“Is everything okay?” Cas asked, concern evident in his voice.

“Huh?”

“You scrunched up your face so strangely.”

“Oh, it’s just my rib hurting.”

“Are you taking the medicine?”

“God, Cas, you sound like a worried mother!”

“I’m sorry,” Cas said with a weak voice and looked down in the table.

So maybe Dean hadn’t meant to do that. He didn’t mean for Cas to feel bad. Not when he was being so nice to him.

“It’s okay,” Dean said, hoping it would make Cas feel better. “I don’t have a mom, so I don’t really know what a mom is like.”

Cas looked up at him when he said it, and it made him feel like he’d said something wrong. But the look on Cas’s face wasn’t like that. It was more like … pity.

Dean hated pity.

“I don’t want you pity, Cas,” He said and looked out the window, his voice hard. “I was four when she died, I barely knew her.”

Castiel opened his mouth like he was about to say something but closed it again. Then he reached over the table, gently touching Dean’s hand with his own.

“I don’t pity you, Dean. It’s more like … regret, that you haven’t been able to live life with your mom. That you haven’t had a mom to encourage you through all of life's troubles.”

Dean looked back at Cas, searching his face for something. But the only thing he found was sincerity. Cas’s face said that he truly believed what he said.

“Thanks, I guess,” Dean said, trying hard to fight the blushed that threatened to colour his cheeks.

They finished the rest of their burgers in silence. But this time it wasn’t awkward. It was rather comfortable, a silence Dean enjoyed even. When they were done they left the grill, walking back to the car. It was in corner furthest away, under a tree that laid it in shadow.

Instead of sitting down in the front seat, Cas climbed into the back seat, mointoning for Dean to do the same. Dean didn’t understand why, but he did as Cas wanted. When there, Cas gestured for him to sit down in his lap.

No, this wasn’t strange at all. What made you think that?

But for some reason, Dean moved over to Cas, carefully sitting down in his lap. As soon as he was comfortable Cas wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in Dean’s neck. He breathed in and out, tickling Dean with his small puffs of air.

Dean let out a squeal of surprise when Cas all of a sudden nibbled on the spot just below Dean’s right ear. He squirmed in Cas’s lap, not knowing what to do with himself. That spot got him every time.

“Cas!” he almost groaned out, still squirming around.

Cas put one of his hand just below his stomach, trying to make him stop squirming. When that didn’t work, he gently bit Dean’s ear. Dean stopped squirming in shock.

He didn’t dislike the bite.

He actually even kinda liked it.

“Do that again.” He was almost ashamed to say his voice sounded out of breath.

Cas did, his hand sneaking in under Dean’s shirt as he did. He nibbled and stroked, making Dean almost sink into him. It felt so good he wasn’t even surprised when Cas’s arm brushed against his boner.

What did surprise him though was the fact that Cas started unbuttoning Dean’s jeans, all the while nibbling at his ear. He fiddled with his hand inside Dean’s pants, and soon found his way into his boxers.

Dean allowed himself to let out the moan he'd held in when Cas’s fingers brushed against Dean’s — by now very evident — erection. Cas continued to just gently rub his fingers, teasing Dean into squirming even more in his lap.

“Dean, stay still,” Cas commanded, voice hoarse, and bit down hard on Dean’s ear.

Dean threw his head back with closed eyes, breathing heavily. The rubbing and the biting was doing things to him. Things he was almost ashamed to admit — especially the biting. Who’d thought he was a kinky bastard?

Cas managed to pull down Dean’s pants and boxers a bit now that he saw still. When he’d done, he stopped rubbing his fingers. Dean could feel the disappointment well up in him, but then Cas started stroking.

It had him moaning and groaning, leaking at the tip within minutes. Cas stroked slowly, keeping up his teasing. All during this he licked Dean’s neck, the nibbling having stopped completely.

If you’d ask him later, Dean would absolutely neglect that he had whimpered at the teasing.

But the fact remained he did, a loud whimper that filled the whole car.

Cas took mercy on him, speeding up the strokings. Every now and then he would brush against the head, collecting the pre-cum leaking out. he started up his nibbling again, this time focusing on the spot just below his ear. It would definitely leave a mark.

But Dean actually didn’t care.

Okay, it might have had something to do with Cas’s distracting strokes. But deeper down a part told him it was because he liked Cas.

Dean’s orgasm took him by surprise, made him spill over the edge with a gasp. Cas was there with a wad of paper, catching it, and the dried up whatever drop spilled outside.

Cas kissed his jaw as he pulled both pants and boxers back up. After a bit of wriggling Dean was fully clothed again. He made a move to get of Cas's lap, but Cas tightened his arms around him.

"Stay," Cas simply said, moving his kisses towards Dean's mouth.

Their lips connected, Cas gently sucking and nibbling at Dean's.

They sat like that for a few minutes before pulling back. Like through a wordless agreement Dean got of Cas's lap and they climbed into the front seats. Cas drove away in silence, and for once Dean didn't feel bothered by it.

Cas dropped him off at his house and then drove away. Dean walked slowly up to the door, noting that all the branches seemed to be moved. He wasn't even surprised when his dad called for him as he closed the front door.

"Dean, food!"

He sighed but trudged over to the kitchen area. The fridge was almost empty, but maybe he'd be able to throw together something from it.

He had the meal prepared in 30 minutes. He set the table, but only for two. Seeing as he'd already eaten, he didn't really think he would have to now. Even Cas shouldn't anything to say about that.

He called for his dad and brother, and when Sam didn't answer he went over to his room. He didn't even bother knocking and went right in.

"Sam, dinner's ready."

"Dean, are you going to eat," Sam asked with a face Dean didn't really like.

"No."

"Dean! Castiel talked to me. You are going to eat." His voice didn't leave any room for discussion.

"I already ate."

"I don't believe you."

"Ask Cas, I ate cheese burgers with him."

Dan gave him a surprised look, and Dean couldn't decide if it was because he ate or if it was because he ate with Cas.

"With Cas?" Sam asked, the disbelieving look still on his face.

"Uh, yeah. He saw me and brought me to a diner, and then he bought burgers."

"He bought burgers for the both of you?"

"Uh, yeah..." Dean looked anywhere but at his brother.

"That sounds like a date!" Dean could _hear_  snickering as he said it.

"It wasn't a date." Dean walked out the door, calling a last; "Food is ready!" when he went.


	8. Chapter 8

Cas caught him over the few following days, walking up to him in the bathrooms, an empty hallway or otherwise empty places in school. He’d ask him if he’d eaten, how he was doing, or just kiss him. Dean didn’t mind it, but he also didn’t understand why Cas did it. Why would he want to kiss Dean almost everyday? He never talked to him when others were around, only when they were alone.

They never went beyond kissing, like the time in Cas’s car hadn’t happened. Cas never brought it up, and Dean didn’t know whether to be grateful for that or not. He liked Cas — _really liked_  — but at the same time he wasn’t really ready to be close with someone. But Cas made him feel so good.

He felt liked — almost loved — by Cas.

~~~~~~~~

School was over for the day, and Dean hadn’t seen Cas at all. Not even a glimpse of him throughout the whole day. He tried not to feel disappointed by it; it wasn’t like Cas had promised he’d seen him every day.

He made his way to the front door, deciding to wait for Sam before going home. John hadn’t driven to school to get them since the first few days. It was either walk, or hope John had left the car so Dean could drive.

Dean was in the front hall just inside the doors when someone gripped his arm. It wasn’t a hard grip, just someone who wanted his attention. He turned around to the person and had to restrain the way too happy smile that made it’s way to his lips.

“Hey,” he said to Cas, his tone light and happy.

Cas bent forward to Dean, and kissed him. Right in the big group of students. He could hear a few gasps of surprise and a few whispers amongst the crowd, but he was too immersed in the kiss to care. Cas pulled back after way too short time in Dean’s opinion.

“Come with me home.” It wasn’t a question, but it wasn’t a command either. It was more of a statement, like he already knew Dean would say yes.

Dean nodded as an answer without even thinking. Maybe he’d regret it, but that would only be because he’d feel even closer to Cas. It was bad enough with his crush on the boy.

Making their way through the crowd, they walked out to Cas's car and climbed inside it. Cas didn't say anything as they drove away, and it made Dean feel like it hadn't actually been a good idea. Until Cas's hand found his and gave a reassuring little squeeze before returning to the steering wheel.

Cas drove towards the outskirts of town ― that wasn't actually so far from school ― and Dean studied the surroundings as they went.

Cas steered of the main road when the got to a sign saying 'Sonny's home for boys'. After a few minutes the road divided into two, Cas taking the one that led to what looked like a manison. The other road led to a smaller house, presumably the boys' home.

Dean looked at the house i awe as they got closer. It was huge and looked luxurious and expensive. He had no idea that Cas's family was loaded.

"It's not actually as expensive as it looks," Cas said as if he could read Dean's mind.

Cas parked under a big tree and got out of the car. Dean quickly followed him, feeling like he'd get lost if he let Cas walk away without him.

Cas led him up to the house and held the front door open for him. The air was cool and fresh inside, smelling slightly of flowers. The interior was homey, made Dean feel comfortable, not at all out of place like he'd thought he'd feel.

Cas took his hand ― startling him ― and led him up the stairs. The interior had the same homey feeling even up there. All doors looked the same to Dean, but Cas walked with determination to a door that he opened. Ge dragged Dean in and closed the door.

He guess the room was Cas's, somehow it seemed very Cas-y. It was much bigger than Dean's room, and it actually looked like someone lived there. The bed was big and looked comfortable, and all other furnitures looked well used.

Cas dragged him down with him on a couch, placing a few books in Dean's lap and a computer in his own.

"What...?" Dea  asked in confusion.

"We, are going to study." He said it like it was obvious and opened the computer.

Dean looked down on the three books in his lap, sighing when he read the titles; " _The history of Sweden_ ", " _Sweden ―  a country of forests, the geography of Sweden_ " and the third looked like it maybe was in _Swedish_  of all languages..

"How the hell am I supposed to read this?!" Dean asked and waved the third book in Cas's face. "I don't know Swedish!"

"Oh, sorry," Cas replied and took the book. "Actually, this isn't Swedish, its Norwegian."

Dean just stared at him, wordlessly saying " _That doesn't make it any better!_ "

"Just read in the other books instead, we don't have much time left to finish this."

Dean sighed but opened one of the books and started reading. It was going to be a few _long_  next hours.

~~~~~~~~

At some point during their study session they'd gone from studying to kissing. Though Dean sure didn't complain about it.

They were sprawled out on the couch, Dean resting on top of Cas. Cas had his arms around Dean, hugging him close to his body. Their bodies touched all over, with their lips moving on slow motions against each other.

It wasn't what Dean would call a make out session, but it was strangely hot; not just like they were kissing. It was also calmingly, making Dean relax and let go of the tension in his body. And when the tension went away, the sleepiness knocked on the door.

~~~~~~~~

Cas slowly rubbed his fingers through Dean's hair, a motion he'd discovered Dean greatly enjoyed.

They had moved from the couch onto his bed. He was half lying down, propped up on his pillows. Dean was between his legs, curled up against his right leg, with his head resting on a pillow in Cas's lap. Dean was pretty much asleep, partly lulled to it by Cas's rubbing.

He had noticed right away when Dean started drifting off to sleep when they were kissing. How the boy could be so tired all the time he didn't understand. Not if he slept and ate as he should do. But knowing what little he knew about Dean, he probably didn't.

When the door to his room was opened Dean stirred, almost waking up. Cas resumed the rubbing, soothingly lulling Dean back into his rest.

He sent a glare at his sister Claire that had just entered the room, wordlessly willing her to be quiet. She  nodded in understanding and smiled.

"Why do you have a pillow in your lap?" she asked, he voice low.

"So it won't be so hard for Dean, he's pretty tired," Cas replied in the same low voice. "Plus, this way it's also more comfortable for me."

Claire snickered, getting that teasing glimpse in her eyes. "I'm sure that is very well needed, it’ll be very _hard_  otherwise."

Cas glared at her, telling her to shut up with his usual communicating looks.

"So, you know, I'm pretty sure he likes me," Claire said, the tone of her voice indicating she was going to brag about something.

"Is that so?" Cas said in response, rolling his eyes at her.

"I was the first one he chose. You know, he's a _very_  good kisser."

"I know that."

"Sure you do," Claire said,obviously not believing him.

Cas sat up straighter, moving the pillow and Dean's head down from his lap. Then he leaned forward and down, closing his lips on Dean's.

It was a bit strange kissing someone upside down. His nose ended up on Dean's chin, but the kiss still worked. It took a few seconds before Dean responded, though still very much sleepily so.

It wasn't much more than a light kiss, but Cas could feel his very surprised sister's stare on him. He guess she hadn't heard the rumors.

"Okay, I did not expect that," she said when he pulled back, continuing his rubbing in Dean's hair.

"Weren't you in school today? Or the last week or so?"

"Of course I was in school!"

"How did you miss everyone talking about ― and I'm very much sure there were talking about it ― me kissing Dean in the hall after school?"

"Wait, you did what?!" Cas could see the interest spark up in her eyes. Rumours was one thing she liked to know, just so she could show her friends that she knew what was going on. "Are you like, together?"

Her tone was hopeful, like she'd love to be the one to tell everyone about that.

"No," Cas said and looked down on Dean.

The other boy was asleep again, his arm hugging Cas's leg tight to himself. It was like he was starved on human closeness, making up for it with Cas's leg.

"You probably wish, though," Claire said in a voice low enough that it seemed like it wasn't meant for him to hear. Then she added in a voice high enough for Cas to clearly hear; "I'll go now, leave you two alone to it."

~~~~~~~~

Dean ended up staying the night. It wasn’t something he had planned, but when he finally woke up from his nap it was late at night. Cas was tired, and if Dean was honest with himself, he enjoyed the fact that he kinda had to stay.

When he woke up the next morning he was cuddled up against an already awake Cas.

“Morning,” Cas said, his voice hoarse with sleepiness.

Dean groaned, not wanting to wake up or get out of bed. _Especially_  not get out of bed.

“Come on.” Cas said and sat up. “School starts soon, we’ll have to get up.”

Dean groaned again and rolled over on his other side, facing away from Cas. He hugged the blanket tightly to his body, willing Cas to go away.

“Don’t be such a grump,” Cas said, and Dean could hear the smirk in his voice. _What was he going to do?_

Pull the blanket away, apparently. Dean hissed at the cold air that hit him when the blanket disappeared. He wasn’t really mad, but if Cas thought so, all the better.

Cas laughed and threw Dean’s clothes on him.

“Get up, breakfast’s soon,” Cas walked over to Dean, leaning down to his ear. “If you get up now… well, you’ll have to guess the reward.”

Dean sat up and started dressing, albeit grumpily. Cas grinned at him, looking way too pleased with himself for Dean’s bad morning mood.

When Dean was dressed they walked down the stairs together, and Cas led him to a home-y feeling kitchen. There were already someone there that, when she turned around, Dean recognized as Claire. He didn’t know she and Cas was siblings.

“Good morning to you, sleepy head,” she said when she looked at him.

Dean glanced questioningly at Cas, but the other boy just shook his head, indicating for Dean not to care about it.

“Is there any breakfast for us?” Cas asked, looking around the kitchen.

Claire nodded at the stove where eggs and bacon was being fried. Cas walked over there and filled two plates, handing one of them to Dean. They sat down with Claire at the table and started eating, Dean a bit reluctantly. He had started eating breakfast, but only a piece of bread. No matter how much someone told him he had to eat, he was very rarely hungry in the morning.

A hand landed on his knee and he found Cas was looking at him. He picked up the fork, swallowing hard.

~~~~~~~~

After they had eaten — Dean just about half of his breakfast — Cas had driven them to school and then taken off somewhere, leaving Dean alone in the parking lot.

He hadn’t gotten more than a few meters inside the building when Benny found him.

“You kissed Cas?!” His voice was bewildered, like he couldn’t believe Dean had done something so stupid.

“Yeah,” Dean said and looked everywhere but at Benny, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“Oh god, you like him, don’t you?”

Dean opened his mouth but closed it again, not knowing what he should say. If he said no he’d be lying, but he didn’t want to admit to liking him either.

“Good luck with that,” Benny said, understanding just what Dean’s uncertainty meant. “You will probably get hurt, just saying.”

~~~~~~~~

Dean was walking home from school when he heard a car horn honk. Cas’s car then drove to the edge of the road, just beside where Dean was walking. Cas rolled down the window, leaning out of it and asked; “Do you want a ride?”

Dean nodded and went around the car and climbed inside. Cas then drove away, surprising Dean with going towards his house. He parked the car on the road outside the house, surprising Dean once again when he got out of the car. Dean quickly followed him and led the way to the front door without a question. If Cas wanted to come with him home, then he had no place to questioning it.

He couldn’t see his dad anywhere, but the faint sound of someone in John’s room told Dean that he was at least home. He led Cas to his room, closing and locking the door after them. In case John got mad and didn’t care that Cas was right there.

Dean made himself comfortable on the bed, petting the spot just beside him. He didn’t know if Cas had something specific in mind when he came here, but either way they could at least sit comfortably.

Cas sat down and placed a hand on Dean’s chin, gently pulling his face towards his own. He leaned in and placed a tender kiss on Dean’s lips.

“How would-,” Cas started but stopped, like it wasn’t the right words. “Do you want to be my boyfriend?” He ended the question with another tender kiss.

Dean sat almost star struck, not knowing how to actually respond. He really had not expected Cas to ask that. He had never prepared for a situation like this, because why would anyone ever ask him to be their boyfriend?

"Yes," Dean breathed after a few moments, slinging his arms around Castiel's neck and kissing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The names of the books are purely fictional, not actual books. If it is, well, I didn't mean for it to be.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean had stopped being used to ending up in closets. It had actually been a while since he last was in one, until Nathan pushed him into one. It was the day after Cas had asked him to be his boyfriend, so for the first time ever he backed away when someone tried to kiss him. This someone being Nathan that didn't really want Dean to say no.

Nathan managed to get a kiss in before Dean finally pushed him away.

"Stop, I have a boyfriend," Dean said and held Nathan an arms length away.

"This feels like something someone will say to get someone to leave them alone." He didn't seem happy, but he took a step back. "So, who's the boyfriend?"

"Castiel," Dean said with a fond smile. "Why does it seem like no one knows but everyone saw him kissing me in the front hall?"

"Wait, he did what? After you were together of course, but still."

"Actually, it was before he asked me to be his boyfriend," Dean said and rubbed his neck.

"Huh. Didn't expect that. Congrats I guess." Nathan gave Dean an awkward short hug, like he didn't know exactly what to do.

He turned to the door and peaked outside. He then turned back to Dean and said; "No one's there. Go now and you won't have to explain to your man, or anyone else for that matter."

Dean did as he said, feeling only slightly bad for what had just happened. Just for the fact of how he left Nathan. But he was sure the other boy would be alright.

~~~~~~~~

During lunch Dean sat with Cas and his friends. It was the first time what he could remember that he was in the cafeteria, and of course it would be an awkward first time. No one said anything, and Dean could almost touch the tension in the air around them. He didn't know if it was because they didn't like him, didn't want him there or just hadn't expected Cas to bring him there. Dean hoped it was the last, that they just hadn't expect Cas to ask Dean out.

He didn't exactly enjoy the prospect of Cas's friends not liking him.

Dean was eating — if so not very much — to Cas's excitement. As Cas had said: It was for his own good and health, not anyone else's. Though the by the school offered food wasn't really the best to get his appetite up. Still, he ate as fast as he could, so that he'd be able to get away from the tension.

Not even Balthazar that he'd already talked to said anything. It was like he didn't even see that Dean was there.

When he had finished his small portion he stood up, saying a quick goodbye and walked away. He didn't hear if Cas said anything in return, and he didn't follow after Dean.

~~~~~~~~

When Dean got home Sam wasn't there. He might have said something about staying and study.

Someone who was there was his father.

Dean couldn't smell any alcohol or see any beer bottles, but the look of rage on his dad's face was very much present. He hoped he'd be able to get to his room without John seeing him, but to no avail.

John caught him before he got to his room, throwing out a hit to Dean's head. It made his balance falter for a few seconds,to the point where he had to put his hands on the wall to keep upright.

That gave John time to get a few punches in; on on his back, on in his stomach, and the last one to his chest. The combined force of them made Dean stumble against the wall and almost lose his breath.

He hit and punched Dean a few more times before he seemed to lose interest and walked back into his bedroom.

Dean scurried into his room and locked the door behind him. He sank down against the door, hissing when the bruises he knew was forming hurt. But what almost hurt the most was the fact that John was sober, and still attacked him. Maybe he'd punch or hit him one or two times when he was sober, but not this much. The real beatings were always when John was drunk.

Dean felt a shudder run through him, and for some reason a sob escaped him. With another sob he hid his face in his hands. He didn’t know why he broke down, but all of a sudden it all felt so overwhelming. He loved his father regardless of how he treated him.

He sat like that for at least an hour, tears streaming down his cheeks and his nails digging into his arms. When the tears finally stopped his eyes were sore, and his arms covered in small marks from his nails. He didn’t care what time it was and laid down on the bed.

He didn’t fall asleep, but he didn’t want to leave his room. Toward the evening Sam knocked on his door, trying to get him out. When Dean didn’t respond he stopped and walked away after saying; “Dad left again, he said he’d be gone a few weeks this time.”

~~~~~~~~

Cas apparently noticed right away that something was wrong. They were at Cas’s house the next day, and even if he tried to act like nothing was wrong, Dean noticed himself how closed off he was. He talked to Cas, he kissed him, he hugged him, but it wasn’t with any closeness. It was like he was miles away, just watching everything from outside his own body.

Cas asked him what was wrong, and every time Dean said nothing. He didn’t want Cas to know, didn’t even want him to worry about him. His tactics seemed to work, because after a while Cas stopped asking. He still had a worried look on his face, but Dean ignored it.

~~~~~~~~

It was just before a gym class that Dean couldn’t hide it anymore.

He had to change clothes, and Cas seemed to keep a close eye on him all the time. Not like he wanted to see Dean naked, but like he’d be able to see what had Dean acting weird if he kept an eye on what Dean did.

Dean had his back to the others when he took of his shirt, hoping that only his front was bruised. The hands that stopped him when he was about to put on his shirt said the opposite.

“Dean.” Cas’s voice was a mix of emotions, none that Dean could decipher.

He turned him around, looking all over Dean’s front before moving up to his eyes. Behind Cas Dean could hear gasps, all from the other guys in the room, who had apparently also seen Dean.

“I’m okay, it was just a small fight, nothing to worry about.”

Cas looked like he had objections about that, but he didn’t have time to say anything. The lesson was about to start, so Dean took on his shirt and walked out the changing room.

~~~~~~~~

He skipped school the next day, hoping that by doing that Cas would forget about it. The fact that Cas called about ten times pointed on the opposite though. Dean ignored all the calls, but Cas turned to text instead. He read the first — asking where he was, since they had the presentation that day — but Dean ignored that one, and didn’t even open the other texts. He just wanted Cas to forget about it.

Cas asked about it several times every day after that for at least a week after that. Every time Dean’s said the same thing, that it wasn’t a big deal. It seemed to make Cas frustrated, but he didn’t pry too deep into it. Dean was grateful for that, because he was sure he wouldn’t stand a chance against Cas if he really went into it to know.

When a week had gone and passed Cas stopped asking so much. He’d still have a look on his face like he wanted to ask, but he refrained from it.

They often spent time at Cas’s place, mostly talking, but they could make out to. For some reason they hadn’t had sex yet. Dean was all for it, but he hadn’t voiced that opinion to Cas, just in case that would scare him away. They had given each other orgasms, but always with at least one piece of clothing still on. In Dean's case that was always his shirt.

Under no circumstance wanted he show of the bruises again.

He was currently sprawled out over Cas’s bed on his stomach. Cas was standing over him on his knee, giving Dean a well-enjoyed massage. He ran his hands over Dean’s back and shoulders, kneading every once in awhile.

Dean didn’t notice at first when Cas’s hands moved in under his shirt and continued the massage. When he did, he turned around onto his back, efficiently stopping Cas.

“Not there.”

He didn’t have to specify what he was talking about, because Cas understood, even if he sighed.

“What if,” Cas said sensually and leaned down to Dean’s ear, “I wanted to go further, and take of all your clothes?”

Dean moaned when Cas bit his earlobe, something Cas obviously must have learnt he found arousing. When his attention was elsewhere Cas started grinding against him. He quickly had all Dean’s cloth except for his shirt removed. Dean still didn’t budge on that, but Cas seemed determined to get it off. His hands moved down Dean’s body, one of them down past his erection and to the cleft of his ass.

“Whoa whoa whoa, wait a little,” Dean exclaimed when he felt the tip of Cas’s finger on his hole.

“What?” Cas asked innocently, in a way that made Dean believe he didn’t actually know why Dean stopped him.

“What happened to lube? You’re _not_  going to go in there bare. And bring a condom while you’re at it.”

“Right,” Cas replied, and maybe he hadn’t actually known exactly what he was doing.

“Have you had sex with a guy before?” Dean asked curiously.

“Not really,” Cas replied and looked away from Dean.

Ah, that explained it. “Doesn’t matter, I’ll guide you if you don’t know what to do. It’s not actually all to different from with a girl.”

Cas went up and brought back lube and a condom, shedding his clothes on the way. He crawled back to his position over Dean, his hands going for Dean’s shirt.

“Can I take this off now?” His voice held a slight tint of begging that made Dean shudder.

Without answering Dean removed it himself, keeping his eyes on Cas’s as long as he could. He leaned up — as Cas leaned down — and kissed his boyfriend. He still got overwhelmed by the fact he could call Castiel that.

They kissed for a long time until Dean felt he had to tell Cas that he could start fingering him — with lube. He didn’t need to be told more than once.

Despite having not known what to do at first he was good at fingering Dean open. He had Dean moaning and writhing on the bed within seconds.

“Cas!” He moaned loudly when he hit his prostate.

For some reason Cas stopped right away, looking like he wondered what he’d done wrong. “What?”

“Don’t stop,” Dean all but growled. “You hit my prostate, that’s good.”

Cas went back to it with new eagerness, getting Dean more undone for every passing second. Dean grinded into Cas’s fingers, fucking himself on them.

Cas pulled out of Dean, making him whimper. He leaned down to Dean’s neck and nibbled as Dean could hear the sound of a condom being opened.

Dean couldn't see what Cas was doing, his eyes shut too tightly due to the pleasure. But he could feel when Cas lined up his own erection against Dean's entrance. Cas started stroking Dean as he pushed in, succeedingly diverting Dean's attention from the faint pain.

Cas started out with small thrusts, teasing Dean with them. Frustrated, Dean took the matters into own hands and thrusted hard against Cas. It wasn't all too easy from his position, but he had Cas moaning and thrust back just as hard.

Cas set up a new pace, thrusting harder and faster. They both gasped and moaned, filling the room with their sounds of pleasure.

Dean could feel when Cas neared the edge; his nail dug hard into Dean's side, and he bit harder into Dean's ear. Dean closes his hand around his erection, jacking himself off. He came just after Cas spilled over the edge with a bite into Dean's neck that definitely would leave a mark.

Dean sank into the mattress, feeling exhausted but also sated. Sex always had that effect on him. Cas fell down to his side, gently kissing the bite mark.

“I don’t know about you,” Cas said in a soft voice, “but I’m going to sleep.”


	10. Chapter 10

Afternoon the day after he and Cas had had sex found Dean being taken to the police station.

He and Sam had eventually run out of money, soon after that out of food. Dean was just going to sneak in the store, take some food and sneak out again. That was the plan, but it had failed completely when an old woman found him doing it. Police had been called, they had arrested him and then driven to the police station. Soon after they got there he’d been put in an interrogation room and his dad had been called.

In the wait for John to arrive, two policemen asked Dean about the happenings, to which he told them the truth. What good would it do to not tell them the truth? They still wouldn’t be able to do anything about the fact that they didn’t have any money.

The policemen had left when his dad stormed in the room, his most furious face on display for Dean to see.

“ _What the hell_  do you think you’re doing?!”

He gripped Dean’s wrist way too hard - the handcuffs making it more painful - and yanked him up from the chair he sat in. Dean shied away from him, not knowing if the fact that they were at a police station would stop his dad from doing what he usually did when he was mad.

“If you’re going to be this stupid, I don’t want anything to do with you. Get out of this by yourself.” His voice was too calm, too controlled. It scared Dean more than any loud voice could, because it meant John knew _exactly_  what he was doing, and was completely sincere. With one last hard tug on his wrist and a shove of Dean to the wall John left the room.

Shortly after he left another police walked into the room. She looked Dean up and down from his place slumped against the wall, his handcuffed hands in his lap. A piece of paper was held in her hand, and she glanced down at it briefly.

“Your violations are not grim, and through whishes from the shop owner there will be no case against you. Though, we do not feel you should just be left without punishment — and since your father has voiced his opinions on the matter — you will be sent to Sonny’s home for boys. It’s just out of town, so you can stay in the same school; you won’t have to say goodbye to your friends.”

She looked expectantly at Dean, like she thought he would burst with joy from the news. Instead he only felt detachment, a dull ache in his chest. He didn’t really care what happened to him, had no energy to care. For all he cared they could send him to jail. Sam would do fine without him.

_Sam!_

He rushed up to a standing position.

“I need to call my brother.” His voice was slightly demanding, and if that was a bad tone to have when speaking to a police; he didn’t give a fuck.

“I’m sure that can be arranged, if you would just—”

“I need to talk to him now!” He was starting to feel desperate, and it could probably be heard in his voice.

“Very well then, I’ll make the arrangement.”

She left the room, but came back a minute later with a phone and another police. She handed the phone to Dean who was quick to dial the number.

“Hello?” Sam asked when he picked up.

“Sam!” He felt relief, like he’d deep down had feared John would do something to Sam.

“Dad was just here, he told me what happened. Why, Dean?” Sam’s voice sounded accusing, like he was disappointed in his older brother.

“No money?” he said it like a question, hoping to not make Sam mad. “We had no food left, and no money either. You need food.”

“Dean! We could have fixed it another way, this was stupid.” He paused for a moment, like he was afraid to ask the next question. “What will happen to you now?”

“They’ll send me to Sonny’s home for boys. It’s just beside Cas’s house, I think his family owns it.”

“Oh,” Sam sounded … beaten down. “I’ll be fine on my own, don’t worry, Dean.”

“What do you mean ‘on your own’?” He was starting to panic, something he was certain the police notice, seeing how their stance changed slightly.

“Dad left again, not like it was a surprise. But honestly, Dean, I _will_  be fine.”

Dean could feel how his breathing got more ragged as thoughts swirled through his brain. What would he do? He couldn’t just leave Sam alone!

“Hey, kid, you alright?” The man asked when Dean slided down the wall.

He was practically hyperventilating, his nails digging into his arms. He didn’t know what to do. He _couldn’t_  leave Sam alone!

“Dean?” The woman asked, bending forward to get a good look of his face.

A few muttered “Sam!” and “No!” escaped him through the hard breathing. No matter how fast he breathed it felt like he was suffocating, like he couldn’t get any air down to his lungs.

He jerked away when a hand was lightly placed on his shoulder. His breathing didn’t slow down, if anything it picked up in pace.

“Dean, what is wrong?” came the man’s voice again.

“I can’t leave Sammy!” passed Dean’s lips, no more than a whisper in volume. “I can’t leave my brother! No, Sammy!”

Commotion was soon heard in the room, but Dean only noticed it as if from a distance. He could hear people speaking, but not what they said. He could see movements, but only in the corners of his eyes. He was too immersed in his mind, almost drowning in his thoughts. His heart was beating hard, like it wanted to beat it’s way out of his body. His limbs felt weak, even if his nails still dug deep into his arms.

“Dean,” a calm voice came from his left, breaking through the wall that seemed to surround him. “Just listen to me. Listen to my voice. Listen to the slowness of it. Breath to the rhythm of it. In. And out. In. And out. Deep, calm breaths.”

Dean tried to do what the voice said, and after a while his breathing calmed down, as did his heart. His limbs seemed to grow strength again and relaxed; he hadn’t even noticed he was so tense.

When he had calmed down he could see and hear the room again, first now noticing all the people looking at him in worry. The person to his left didn’t look like a police at all, she didn’t have the uniforms the other had.

“Hello, Dean” she said in the same calm voice, a small smile on her lips. She turned to the police, making a motion with her hand as if she wanted them to leave the room. “I’m Pamela Barnes,” she said when they’d left. “I work at Sonny’s home, as a therapist — though I’m technically a psychologist.”

She offered her hand to him as she stood up. He reluctantly took it and let her help him into a standing position.

“We will talk more thoroughly when you’ve gotten installed and comfortable at the home. If you want to talk to me before that, that’s okay, but at least wait until we’ve gotten there.” She indicated for him to sit down on the chair before she continued talking. “But first, so you’ll feel a little calmer. The police have looked into the situation with your brother, and seeing as he’s so young — and your father is nowhere to be seen — he will with his own agreement come and live at the home with you. You can stay calm over that matter now.”

Dean breathed a sigh of relief, relaxing slightly into the chair. He felt calm knowing Sam wouldn’t be left alone.

“Now, maybe you want to leave?”

Dean nodded, still not really able to talk. First now did he notice that the handcuffs had been removed.

~~~~~~~~

For the first time Dean went up the road to the home instead the one to Cas’s house. It felt slightly weird, but at least he’d live close to his boyfriend. He’d be able to go over there often.

He was currently sat in a sofa in the lounge waiting for Sonny to come ‘welcome him to the home’ as Pamela had said.

A man came into the room, a friendly looking man Dean assumed was Sonny. He’d never seen him before despite having been over to Cas’s house several times. But maybe that was simply because Sonny didn’t really have anything to do with the Novaks. If Dean had understood Cas right the Novaks had bought the home when Sonny was forced to close it down due to money. When they bought it he could keep up the home, and not having to worry about not being able to maintain it.

“So, Dean,” Sonny said and sat down on the sofa table in front of Dean. “I’d like to hear your version of what happened.”

Dean briefly explained that he was just going to steal some food because they were out of both money and food, leaving out the detail of John barely being home.

“And you’re dad, where was he?”

“On a business trip.”

Dean fidgeted with his hands, and Sonny’s gaze moved down to them.

“Your old man gave you that?”

“No,” Dean said and looked away, not believing in his ability to lie for the moment.

“Then who gave it to you? The police?” Sonny was just questioning, not accusing.

“No,” Dean said again, this time more firmly.

“Then who?”

“A werewolf,” Dean said, not knowing why he told the lie.

Sonny looked at him but didn’t say anything. He obviously couldn’t have believed the lie, but he didn’t point it out. There was almost something like … understanding on his face.

“Okay, I’ll show you where you’ll sleep,” Sonny said and got up. “You’re brother’s already here, installed himself quite nicely already.”

Sonny led him up the stairs, and further to a door covered in different names and other kinds of arts. All the doors in the hallway looked that way, but none looked exactly the same. Sonny opened the door and showed a room with four beds, but no one there.

“You won’t share with your brother, there was no empty spaces for that. Hope it’s okay.”

“Yeah,” Dean replied, not knowing if he actually meant it.

Maybe Sam would be good with a little time away from Dean, not having to share sleeping area with him. He must have gotten used to that after their time in their house.

“You can get your things sorted, get your clothes in the dresser over there. When you feel settled in Pamela wanted to speak with you. But she probably already told you, right?”

Dean nodded and went over to the bed with his bag on top. He looked inside and from what he saw Sam had gotten all his things in there. His stuffed his clothes in the drawers of the dresser, and placed the family photos on top of it. Even if he didn’t want to make it feel like home, he could at least make people think that he did.

When he was done he walked down to where Pamela had shown her office was. It had a small sitting room outside, probably meant for the boys to sit and wait. Dean didn’t sit down, instead he knocked on the door. He waited until he heard a “Come in,” before he opened the door.

The room was cozy and homey, the same feeling as in Castiel’s house. It made him feel comfortable and fairly calm. Probably what was went seeing as it was a therapy room.

The word therapy still made him shy away, but he tried to hold it down. He’d never been one to share his feelings, not with his family, not with strangers. Especially if he didn’t really know said feelings himself. Because how was he suppose to talk about something he couldn’t even define for himself?

“I’m sure you have questions,” Pamela said when Dean had sat down in a very comfy and soft armchair.”Let’s start with them, and then I’ll go deeper into what I want to discuss with you.”

Dean sat quiet at first, not actually knowing what questions to ask. “I don’t really know… I’m not good with speaking about my feelings.”

“Okay," Pamela said with an easy smile. “Let’s start with how you felt back in the police station. And do you know _why_  you felt that?”

“I panicked,” Dean said simply. “I guess I got kinda scared by the thought that Sammy would be left alone.”

“Do you know why these feelings made you react the way you did?” She asked it as a question she knew the answer to, but wanted to see if he did too.

“No,” Dean said after a few moments pause. The only thing he knew was that it was fucking terrifying. Like he was having a heart attack almost.

“What you experienced was a panic attack. Some people get them when exposed to extreme panic. Not everyone does, and most who do only have one panic attack in there whole life. What happens when you have one can feel very similar to having an heart attack. This makes most people scared, and they panic more. A panic attack show itself with physical reactions, but it is only caused by chemical reactions in your brain. Therefore, you do not really suffer any physical harm, but that doesn’t make it any less terrifying.”

Dean didn’t know whether to be relieved or feel worried. He didn’t really know what this all meant. Was there something wrong with him? Would he have more in the future? He shuddered at the prospect of the second question, not wanting to experience it again.

“As far as you know, was this your first attack, or have you had attacks before?”

Dean thought about the question for a while before he spoke. “There was on time in school where I panicked, and Cas said it might have been a panic attack.”

“Ah, you’re friend with Castiel? He often work with me.”

Dean said a low, “He’s my boyfriend,” without looking up at her.

“Oh, yes, he’d said something about that.” She smiled slightly, making Dean relax. “If the panic attacks are reoccuring, and especially if you feel a fear of them returning, you might be suffering from panic disorder. Now, I know this is ironic, but don’t panic about that. I know finding out you might have a psychological disease or illness can be scary. But really, you should see it as a ‘normal’ disease, that just happens to be in the brain. It is no way your fault, it’s the chemicals in your brain. Panic disorder is treatable, and most of the time that does not involve any medicine. You work with it with cognitive — cbt —  or behavioural therapies, or a combination of the two. As we do not know for certain that you do suffer from it, we do not need to get into it right away. But I would like you to come to me sometimes, and just talk. About anything that worries you, or that you feel insecure about. This can feel very reassuring, especially now for you with a dramatic change of surroundings and routine.”

Dean sat quiet when she finished, taking in everything she’d said. It was a lot, and he wasn’t sure he understood everything. But he felt strangely good about the prospect of talking to her again. Especially that she gave him the out of her wanting that, so he didn’t need to feel that he was the one that wanted to talk about his feelings. He still wasn’t completely comfortable doing that.

“How about we see each other in a few days? See how things has turned out?”

Dean nodded, earning himself a warm smile.

“Great! Now you can go have a look around or what you want to do. See you in a few days.”

Dean stood up and let, but not in so much of a hurry he’d thought he would. It hadn’t actually been as bad as he thought it would be.

~~~~~~~~

He went out of the house, deciding to see if Cas was home. He’d only gotten halfway there when a boy called out for him.

“Hey! Were not allowed to go there!”

Dean ignored him and kept walking.

“Don’t you listen?!” the boys said close to Dean this time. All of a sudden he grabbed him, forcing Dean to stop. “We can’t go there, private property.”

“I know it’s private property,” Dean said and pulled himself free from the other boy’s grip.

The boy grabbed for him again, but was stopped by a voice calling out, “Crowley!”

Dean turned around and saw Cas walking towards them, a frown on his face. The boy — Crowley — stopped, obviously knowing Cas.

“Hello, Dean,” Cas said in greeting when he’d walked up to the two. He leaned in and gave Dean a chaste kiss.

“Hiya, Cas,” Dean answered him, a fond smile on his lips. He really like Cas.

“Ohh… So that’s why you were going there,” Crowley chimed in.

“Well, Crowley, meet my boyfriend Dean Winchester. I think you will be sharing room.” When Cas said it, he snaked his left arm around Dean’s waist, hugging him to his body. Dean leaned into the touch, feeling calm and relax by it.

“I actually came looking for you,” Cas said and turned to Dean, completely ignoring Crowley. “Sonny wanted to talk to us.”

Dean didn’t know what Sonny could possibly want this soon after he’d talked to him, but he followed Cas back to the house nonetheless.

~~~~~~~~

He should have known. He really should have.

Sonny wanted to know if John had abused him.

~~~~~~~~

Dean sat close to Cas in the same couch where Sonny had welcomed him, Sonny placed on the table once again. Sonny had just bluntly asked if John abused him, no warning whatsoever. Dean had told him no, just as all the other times he’d been asked the same question.

“You need to understand Dean, I talked with Cas, and what he had to say didn’t make me think it any less.”

Dean sent and accusing glare Cas’s way, which he responded to with a, “He talked to me first, I answered.”

Dean didn’t move away from Cas’s hold, even if he was slightly mad at him.

“Your brother told me that this had been discussed before in school,” Sonny said, not budging.

“That was because Maja made assumptions that wasn’t true.”

“Dean,” Cas said in a soft tone and kissed the spot just below his ear, “we just want what’s best for you. I want you to feel safe.”

“I’ve told you, you don’t have to worry, Cas.” He gave cas a quick kiss. “It’s not dad, I’m just very prone to piss off people.”

Cas still didn’t look convinced, but his face said he’d leave it be for the moment. Dean was sure he’d pick up the subject again, but for the moment it got to rest.

Cas kissed below his ear again and Sonny left the room, as if he understood that the subject were to rest for the moment. Dean turned his head towards Cas’s, capturing his lips in a long kiss. Cas kissed him back, deepening i just slightly by poking out his tongue.

“Guys!” a voice wined and Dean groaned. Sam just had to interrupt a good moment.

“What, Sam?”

“Could you, you know, not kiss like that in public place. Some people does not want to see.”

“I’m sure someone would enjoy the scene,” Dean retorted with a smirk.

“Dean, don’t annoy your brother more than necessary.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side!” Dean whined and cast a puppy look towards Dean.

Sam laughed in the background as Cas leaned down and kissed Dean’s pout.

~~~~~~~~

“Dean?”

“Mmm,”Dean hummed as an answer.

They were sprawled out over Cas’s bed, Dean just resting and Cas reading a book.

“Do you want to… go to the park with me? Now?” Cas voice was hesitant, like he was worried what Dean would reply.

“You mean like a date?” Dean asked and looked at Cas.

“Yes. Would you like that.”

“Yeah, I would like that,” Dean said and grinned.

They both got up, and taken Dean’s hand in his own Cas led them down to the kitchen. He picked up a basket and a blanket, and then led the way out to his car.

“You’re prepared.”

“I had hoped you would say yes,” Cas said and blushed.

They got in the car and Cas drove away. They didn’t drive for long until Cas parked the car at the side of the road. They got out together, Cas taking the lead around the high bushes that hid what was behind. They entered through an arch in the bushes and got into a big park.

There were lush trees scattered all over, casting shadows over the park. In the bright sunlight it made the area cool, perfect to sit down and relax.

Cas led them over to a big tree with bright pink flowers. He spread out a blanket below it, gesturing for Dean to sit down.

As Dean sat down cas opened the basket and placed the contents on the blanket.

“Is that … cheeseburgers?” Dean asked with enthusiasm.

“Yes, I made them myself.”

“Cas, you’re amazing,” Dean said to the other boy with a big smile. “You remembered that I like them?”

“Yes, of course I do.”

Cas sat down beside him, giving one of the burgers to Dean. He inhaled deeply, taking in the amazing smell of the burgers, giving away a delighted sound. Cas laughed at him and opened his own burger. They ate together in silence, enjoying the light atmosphere and the distant sound of the wild life.

Dean really liked Cas. He made him feel good, feel like he belonged somewhere. And without knowing, he was helping Dean feel better. He was starting to feel like whatever things had troubled him was starting to get less significant, like they maybe wasn’t that bad anymore. With Cas on his side, encouraging him, he’d maybe actually be able to leave his troubles behind him.


	11. Chapter 11

Two days later Dean walked into school with a yawn. Sonny had driven him, Sam and a few of the other boys to school. He hadn’t seen Cas since school the other day, but then again, he had been busy working at the home.

He walked through the halls to Cas’s locker, the place where they usually met up when they got to school their separate ways. When he got closer he could see a hoop of students all standing at the locker. In full view, two people was kissing each other, one of them with half-long dark hair, a girl he think was named Hannah. It was first when he saw who the other person was that he stopped.

Cas was kissing Hanna.

Just as he realised that, his phone vibrated, indicating a new message. He took it from his pocket and saw a new message from Cas.

_We’re through. You know I was just screwing with you, right? It was never real or serious._

Dean could feel his insides crumble, but he put on his neutral faces and kept walking. If it was true, and Cas never had cared about him, he couldn’t show that he was affected by it. He had to put up the facade again, pretending like he hadn’t actually really liked Cas- Castiel. He had to starting calling him Castiel now. Anything else would remind him too much of their time together.

Getting through the school day was like a blurr. He had to keep most of his focus on not showing any emotions, and it was tearing at him. By the time school ended he felt like a mess on the inside, but he still didn’t show it on the outside. Sonny picked them up and drove them back to the home, and all the while Dean didn’t say a word. He could feel Sonny looking at him like something might be wrong, but he ignored it.

When they got back he went straight up to his room and laid down on his bed. He’d be damned if he’d have to keep up the facade any longer.

“Dean?” Sonny’s voice came from the door. “Pamela thought it be time for another session, can you go now?”

Dean sat up and nodded, and then walked past Sonny without a word when he didn’t move. He walked down to her office, not knocking when he saw the door was slightly ajar. Pamela looked up when he walked in, a smile welcoming him.

“Hello, Dean,” she said warmly and motioned for him to sit down in the armchair. “So, how have you been feeling since the last time?”

“I’m fine,” Dean said, and maybe it was a little too gruff for anyone to actually believe the lie.

“How are things going? With moving here? With Castiel?”

Dean stiffened at the mentioning of his ex-boyfriend. He really didn’t want to have to talk about him. There was no way he’d be able to do it and still seem like he was fine.

“Ah, something is not going so good with Castiel. What is, could you explain it from your point of view? Most of the time it helps just to talk about what is troubling you.”

Dean sucked in a deep breath, knowing that he wasn’t going to be okay now. What if he started panicking again?

“Hey, Dean, deep breaths. In, and out. In, and out.” Her voice brought him back, and he slowed down his breathing.

“That’s better. Now, just breath and tell me about it. I’m here to listen and help you in whatever way I can.”

Dean did as she said, breathed and told her that they had broken up. He left out the fact that Cas had said he was just screwing with him, not wanting to have to think abou that more than necessary. He told her how he’d thought Castiel actually cared, and how insecure it made him feel that it turned out he hadn’t really. He spilled all his worries about it to her, and she listen, asking things all through, showing that she cared. It made him feel a tiny bit better that she listened and genuinely was interested in his well being. When he was done explaining he felt a little better, and when she noticed he didn’t want to speak any more of it, she left it.

“How has it been with the panic attacks,” she asked instead. “Have you had any more? Are you afraid of having another?”

He answered her questions, and actually told her his fear of having another. He told her how they’d felt, and how they made him feel small and vulnerable. In return she told him about how to think when he felt he was starting to panic or get anxious, and that they should meet more times and talk.

When he walked out from her office it was feeling a little bit lighter, but it didn’t last long. After dinner Sam asked about Castiel, and without answering Dean went up to his room and went to bed.

~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Dean, do you want to come with us?"

Dean lifted his head from the pillow, looking up at Crowley who stood at the edge of his bed.

"Where?" Dean groaned and sat up on his elbows.

"We're going to a party. There will be alcohol," he said when he saw the doubtful look on Dean's face.

Deciding right away Dean got up from the bed, nodding to Crowley and the other boys. Alcohol sounded good.

"I'll come."

Dean soon learned that they weren't actually allowed to leave this late at night. They snuck out the house and down the driveway. Down at the road a bigger car waited for them, most likely to drive them to the party. They got in the car and it drove away.

Dean waited impatiently for them to get there. If he was gonna drink, he wanted to do it now.

When the car finally stopped they got out quickly and walked up to the house. Loud music was coming from it, and there were people out in the front yard too. Dean right away looked for the kitchen when they got inside.

He found it quickly, a big, crowded room with a big table stocked to the top with alcohol and drinks of all kinds. Dean snatched two beer bottles and walked back to the way less crowded hall.

Crowley and the others were nowhere to be seen, but Dean just shrugged it off. He didn't come here to hang out with them, he came here to get drunk.

Dean opened one of the bottles and took a sip. He welcomed the familiar taste with big arms. Whenever he'd felt particularly bad he'd gotten drunk, usually with beer since it was the easiest to get his hands on.

He clunked down the first beer, hoping to get drunk quickly. He just wanted to forget about Castiel for a while.

By the time he'd downed the sixth beer he felt fairly drunk and slowed down the drinking. He had no plan to stop though and went for his seventh bottle.

Now and then a girl would walk over to him and flirt, but he ignored them. For some reason he didn't feel up for even a fling. Castiel really had fucked him up.

By the time Crowley found him he'd lost count on how much he'd drunk. He didn't even offer any resistance when Crowley dragged him out of the house with a muttered, "We need to get back."

The act of sneak into the house was much harder than sneaking out. Everyone but Crowley seemed drunk, staggering around and definitely not being quiet. After a while they managed to get back up to their room, miraculously without anyone coming to see what was going on. Dean staggered to his bed and fell asleep almost immediately.

~~~~~~~~

"Dean?"

Dean groaned as the voice woke him up. His head was feeling heavy, unmistakably a headache forming. He opened his eyes to find Sam standing at his bed, the room empty aside for the two of them.

Sam backed away with a grimace of disgust. "You stink of alcohol." His face morphed into something of worry. "I know you and Cas broke up - Pamela told me - but that doesn't mean you need to get drunk. That's just stupid, Dean."

Dean groaned and closed his eyes again. He didn't want to hear about Castiel. He was trying to forget the douche!

"I don't want to talk about him, Sam," Dean growled at his brother.

"Hey, it's just a breakup. You're young, you'll find someone else."

"You don't know shit," Dean hissed and rolled over so he had his back to Sam.

"You don't have to be such a douche, Dean! I haven't done anything, and you'll soon get over him. You’ll forget about him."

Footstep walked away, and soon after that Dean could hear the sound of a door closing.

“I can’t forget about him,” he whispered, knowing no one could hear him, and buried his face in the pillow. “I can’t forget you.”

Dean stayed home from school that day, not feeling up to doing anything. Sonny tried to get him to go, but Dean just said that he felt sick. It wasn't only because of the hungover, but the whole thing with Castiel made him feel like before they got to this town. The difference was that now he knew that Sam would be fine if Dean _left_. He wouldn't have to stay alone with John anymore, and he'd probably be better of not having to worry about Dean.

Around lunchtime Pamela came by the room.

"Dean, how are you feeling?"

Dean only gave a combination of a mutter and a groan as an answer.

"If this is about Castiel; you need to do something, so you can focus on other things but Castiel. A short relationship like this is easy to get over if you put some effort in it."

What everyone seemed to not understand was that it's wasn't just to 'get over it'. For some reason Castiel had wanted to screw with him, and manage to make it completely clear why it's smart to not trust anyone. Why he shouldn't think that anyone cares. Because why would they care about small Dean. He couldn't even take care of Sam in a good way. He couldn't even get a person to honestly care about him. Not even get _a single person_  to like him.

Pamela must have left, because when Dean looked up later she wasn't there anymore. He stayed in bed until he could hear the boys getting back from school. Footsteps stopped outside the door, but instead of entering they walked away.

A little while later one pair of footsteps walked up to the door again, and this time they entered. Something with them made Dean recognize them as Sam's.

"Dean." His voice was pleading. "You need to do something. I can't- Seeing you like this, it's weird. You've always been my strong older brother. This, this is not like you at all."

Dean felt a pang to his conscious that he'd made Sam worry. His baby brother should only have to worry about school, not his broken big brother.

"I'm fine, Sam." His voice was muffled by the pillow, which he was thankful for. Without that, his voice would sound so broken. Just like he felt.

Sam sighed and then said, "It's soon dinner."

Dean didn't get up for dinner. Instead, he went into the small bathroom and rolled up the edge of his jeans. He was starting to feel like he was going crazy. Just as last time he picked up the small pocket knife from the inside of his pants hem, placing it to his ankle. He pressed it down and dragged the blade across his skin. It stinged lightly, a feeling he welcomed.

At the sound of approaching footsteps he quickly put the knife back and rolled down his pants. It turned on the water and pretended that he washed his hands. No door in the house had a lock, so whoever it was could just walk in if they wanted to. When he walked out the room he saw Crowley sitting on his bed.

"You up to getting drunk again tonight?"


	12. Chapter 12

Castiel walked through school's hallways to Sam's classroom. His teacher had told him to get Sam and go to the principal's office. He had no idea why, and not in which way Sam was involved in whatever thing it was.

When he finally found the right classroom he walked in and up to the teacher.

"The principal wants to talk to me and Sam. I am to get Sam."

The teacher nodded and called Sam over. Castiel explained the situation and together they walked to the principal's office.

Castiel knocked on the door, and after getting a, "Come in," he and Sam walked in.

The principal Metatron Hafford sat in his chair behind the desk, and the look on his face made Castiel feel like something was badly wrong. Mr. Hafford motioned for them to sit down before he spoke up.

"Mr. Novak, your parents have called."

Castiel sat quiet, waiting for him to continue.

"They have notified us that Mr. Winchester's - Dean's - absent is easily explained." His pause made it feel like he was trying to build up the suspension, but that couldn't be. "Dean is, apparently in the hospital. I am not aware of the reason behind this. But you're parents, Mr. Novak, said that you were to take Mr. Winchester to the hospital."

Beside him Castiel could hear Sam gasp, a broken, worried sound. He understood him, but himself he only felt detachment. He didn't know what to feel.

It took them several minutes before they were on their way to Castiel's car. They drove in silence, no one of them saying a word. Castiel could see the worried look on Sam's face in the corner of his eyes.

When they finally got there, Castiel's mom Amelia was standing outside the front doors. She ushered them inside, leading them to where Cas guessed Dean was.

They got inside the small room to find Dean in a hospital bed, looking - if possible - worse than Castiel thought he would look. His face was bruised badly, probably the rest of his body too, and he was still unconscious. He was connected to a heart monitor and drop.

Sam hurried up to his brother's side as a doctor entered the room.

"Dean was not hurt as badly as he could have, but the car hitting him still gave him some very serious damages."

Sam looked up with scared eyes when the doctor said that. He obviously hadn't thought it would be something that serious at first.

"There is also some worry about a few previous wounds we found, or rather the nature behind them."

"Dean has gotten in a lot of fights," Sam said, a tear running down his cheek.

"These wounds are not from that. They look to be self inflicted. From this we believe his accident might not have been an accident. It is very well likely to have been a suicide attempt."

Castiel could feel his own breath hitch at the doctor's words. A suicide attempt? That was serious. He had noticed that Dean seemed pretty down since he broke up with him, but it leading to Dean wanting to kill himself? It just seemed so absurd.

Sam seemed to have broken down at that. He was leaning over Dean, sobbing into his hands. This was way too much to take in for the young boy. Castiel felt bad for him, having to hear his brother had just attempted suicide.

~~~~~~~~

When Dean came around he could at first only hear a low sobbing to his right. He realised right away that it must be Sam, but he couldn't understand why Sam would be crying.

When he opened his eyes he could see that there were three more people in what was obviously a hospital room; Castiel, his mother Amelia and a doctor.

"He was taken here around 3am, but it took a while before we were able to identify him," the doctor said to Castiel and Amelia.

“Dean, why did you try to kill yourself?” came Sam’s low voice from right beside him.

“I didn’t-” Dean said, a little scared by the fact that Sam would somehow have gotten that idea.

“The doctor said they think you did it, something about having found wounds from … from you having self harmed.”

“How did they-” Dean started saying and realised that was the wrong thing to say.

“You have.” Sam’s voice was even lower, and sounded somehow wounded and scared. Dean couldn’t understand what he was scared for.

“Dean, why haven’t … why haven’t you talked to me? You help me all the time, I’d love to help you when you need it. You just never ask.”

“I’m fine on my own, Sam. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“But I still do! Just because you tell me I don’t need to, doesn’t mean I will stop.”

Dean understood now why Sam sounded scared. He was worried about Dean, scared about the prospect that Dean would die. Somehow Dean hadn’t thought he would be.

“You’re awake.”

Dean turned to the others at the doctor’s words, seeing them all looking at him.

Cas actually looked slightly worried, something that surprised Dean. Didn’t Castiel not care about him? Because that was definitely what he said in the text when they broke up.

The doctor proceeded to explain how he was hurt, and how the treatment would go. Dean sighed inwardly, too tired by all the treatment all the time. He just wanted to be left alone.

~~~~~~~~

It took about a week before Dean was let out the hospital, and when he was told to pretty much just lay around all day. He weren’t to do anything physically straining, and come right back if he hurt worse than he already did. To say he didn’t like the situation was an understatement.

It didn’t help that the Novaks together with Pamela and Sonny had decided that as to not leave Dean alone and unattended, Castiel would follow and keep him company. They weren’t budge-able on that point, no matter how much Dean tried with the whole ‘not wanting to be close to Cas’. They had ignored him completely on that, and now he was stuck in Castiel’s car as he drove Dean back to the home.

When Castiel came to get him, he hadn’t seem like there were any reason for Dean to be mad at him. He’d been friendly, in a way like they had never even been together and broken up. It was a distant friendly, and it also made Dean feel like something was up. Why would Castiel seem friendly when earlier he’d been together with him just to screw with Dean? It just made no sense to him.

“I have brought you homework from school,” Castiel said and broke the silence. “You have missed quite a lot, so I thought we’d work on that when we get back.”

Dean didn’t answer nor protest, the tone of Castiel’s voice making it clear that there were no other options. Dean would just have to deal with it.

What really bugged Dean the most about the whole situation was how Cas acted like he hadn’t hurt Dean. Like the whole thing around their relationship never had happened. Or that it in no way had hurt Dean. He hadn’t said a word about it, but still was friendly. If dean had to be honest, what he wanted the most was an apology. an acknowledgment of the fact that Cas had hurt him. Because he was sure that Cas was aware of that.

When they got back they worked on Dean’s homework, just like Cas had said. Dean took Cas’s help, but he didn’t thank him for it, or even acted nice back to Cas. For just a moment Dean thought he saw a frustrated look on Cas, and it made him feel a little victorious.

The same routine continued over the next days. Even if Cas still seemed to get frustrate Dean didn’t find any joy in it. Having to spend time with Cas made him feel worse. He was tired and grumpy, lashing out at anyone that somehow annoyed him. He even got mad at Sam.

On the fifth day Dean decided he’d had enough. As soon as he could he would sneak away from Cas and go do something.

~~~~~~~~

When he got back to the house after his little … adventure, Cas, Sam and Sonny was waiting outside, looking both mad and glad to see him. Though obviously no one seemed happy about the fact that he had managed to sneak away.

“Where the hell have you been?” Castiel yelled at him when he was within hearing distance.

“You’ve got no fucking thing to do with that!” Dean yelled back, equally as mad. If Castiel thought he could decide over Dean he was dead wrong.

Both Sonny and Sam looked unliking at the way they were yelling at each other. Sam took Castiel’s arm and led him away as Sonny walked closer to dean.

“There’s a reason we sat Cas to look out for you,” Sonny explained, a slight tint of worry in his voice. “We’re worried about you, we don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have fucking put Cas on it!” Dean couldn’t help but yell at him, not even caring if it hurt him.

“I know you’re upset, Dean, and that’s why I want you to go in and talk with Pamela. Okay?”

Dean grudgingly agreed to it, if only to get Sonny to back off.

The door to Pamela’s office stood open so Dean walked right in.

Pamela looked up and smiled when he came in. Dean was not in a mood for her loving nature.

“So, Dean, there’s a few things I want to talk to you about.” She waited until he sat down before she continued. “First off, I hope you understand why we want to keep an eye on you, and that you won’t sneak off like this again. We’re just looking out for you. Secondly, I’d like to run an investigation on you, Dean.”

Her pause was off the type that Dean suspected she gave him time to process that. Like something bad was coming up.

“I’d like to do this investigation to clear out my suspicions of you suffering from depression.”

She kept talking after that, but Dean turned her out. Depression? He was supposed to have depression? Panic attacks he could barely deal with, but this? This was too much. He had a breaking point, and right then he felt like he reached it. It felt like the walls he’d so carefully built up came crashing down around him. He wasn’t okay, never had been. But learning just how not okay he was? Somehow that was terrifying. He didn’t even know why, just that right then he needed to be anywhere but there. He couldn’t deal with this right now. Not like that.

He stood up abruptly and rushed out the room, ignoring Pamela’s calls after him. He ran up the stair and into his room, hoping none of the others were there. The room was empty, and no one came after him. It was just a few hours later, when it was time for bed, that he saw another person.

The other boys piled into the room in a loud mess, Crowley in the lead. The didn’t spare Dean any attention, something he was grateful for. He undressed and got ready for bed with the others. Something about the way he was feeling made him want to lay exposed. He didn’t pull his bedcovers over him, and he only had his boxers on. It made him feel vulnerable, but his twisted mind seemed to enjoy that.

"Hey, what did you do?" one of the guys asked, obviously referring to the fully visible bruises.

He hadn't bother to learn the name of any of the guys, beside Crowley, so he didn't know any of them. Not even the ones he shared the room with.

"Fuck off."

"No, seriously, how'd you get those?" another asked, genuine curiosity evident in his voice.

"Fuck off!"

"Wow, touchy much." he could hear a third mutter.

It was about an hour later, when all lights were out, that he allowed himself to think about what had happened before.

He’d ended up with a guy at his place, cuffed at both hands and feet to the bed. The guy had been rough, into some heavy BDSM. Dean didn’t really mind that part, but the guy had been a little more of a douche than he would have really liked.

If he maybe left with more bruises and feeling worse than before, that was no one elses business.

On the plus side he’d made Dean realise that he maybe liked the whole BDSM thing, at least the bondage part. Though, it wasn’t like that would change anything in the way he would have sex in the future. Because, yeah, saying to someone that he was into being tied to the bed would really go down well. Even worse if he told them he was into feeling slight pain during sex.

~~~~~~~~

Dean managed to sneak away from Cas again the next day. It was during school and he went to a closet with Nathan. It was much more familiar and safe-feeling than with the other guy, but Dean enjoyed it just as much. They’re mostly just kissing, grinding into each other once in awhile. It’s slow and it’s nice and it still managed to get Dean hard.

Nathan was a good guy.

It was all interrupted when Castiel barged in.

“Dude, what do you think you’re doing?!” Dean asked, and okay, maybe Cas was the one supposed to ask that since Dean sneaked away when he wasn’t supposed to. Well, that’s just fair to Cas for not keeping a good enough eye on Dean.

“What the hell do _you_  think you’re doing?!” Cas asked, his voice very obviously mad.

“I’m just having a little time off, a little fun.”

Dean snaked an arm around Nathan and felt how tense he was. He almost felt bad for him, having been dragged into the … whatever it was between him and Castiel.

“You’re not supposed to sneak away!” Cas voice was a yell now, the anger visible on his face. “There’s a fucking reason why I have to keep an eye on you. Don’t like it, maybe you shouldn’t have done it! It’s not my fault, you’re the one who did it!”

“Not your fault?! Why the fuck do you think I ‘did it’?! Because I felt like it?!”

Dean was mad now, very mad. Who the fuck did Castiel think he was? Dean distantly noticed that Nathan wasn’t there anymore, it was just him and Castiel.

“Well, I don’t know! But it sure as hell isn’t my fault! Whatever made you _attempt suicide_  goes way deeper than a little breakup. You’re fucked up deeper than that!”

Wow, that hurt. What was most painful was how sincerely Castiel said it. He really thought Dean was fucked up.

“I’m not fucked up, you fucking dick!”

“Yeah, you’re not? I don’t believe you. You’re not fucked up and that’s why you lead people on like there will be a relationship and then just fling them away. Yeah, sure.” Cas’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

“I don’t lead anyone on! I’m completely clear with the fact I’m not looking for a relationship with them!”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you hurt a lot of people! Why do you think I thought it was a good idea to hurt you? You had it coming for you.”

Cas’s voice was chill, and Dean couldn’t understand why Cas would even think that was a good idea. He decided to screw with him because he wasn’t looking for a relationship? Castiel was seriously screwed up.

“That you attempted suicide just because someone broke up with you isn’t my fault. It just shows how weak you are.”

That’s it. Dean was done with this shit now.

"That so called suicide attempt where I got hit by a car? It wasn't a suicide attempt, but it might as well have been. And if I had to deal with moving from a relationship again and again and again, I would already have done it. I would have been fucking dead by now! So fuck you for thinking you knew me! Fuck you for taking the good of a relationship away from me!"

He was standing close to Castiel at this point, and had punched him in the chest. Not hard, but so that he would at least feel it. Castiel didn’t even budge.

“I haven’t lived in the same place for more than a few months since I was four years old! You learn pretty quickly that in order not to break you can’t get close to anyone. And, besides, what’s the point? Nothing will come out of it! My only friend is and has always been my brother. Beside him and my father there is only two people I’ve met more than once. All this because my mother died in a fucking house fire and dad is awful at coping with it. You don’t know me, you just think you do!

“I’m not okay, and yeah, I might be a little fucked up. Or maybe I’m not and I just think I am. You saying I am doesn’t help! Do you have any idea how many times I’ve thought about just ending it? That Sam and dad will do well without me, hell, that they will be _better off_  without me? You don’t! And you don’t fucking know me!”

By this time Dean could feel tears in his eyes, but he didn’t have it in him to care. This all was just too much. He’d never spilled any of that before, never thought he would either. When Cas offered his arms out to him, he almost fell into his embrace. He’d missed this, missed Cas’s hugs.

Castiel closed his arms around Dean and hugged him close to his body. Dean sighed with content when Cas rubbed his fingers through Dean’s hair. He still remembered that Dean loved that.

It was only later, after Cas had kissed his cheek and they had left the closet that Dean remembered that he was still mad at Castiel. He treated him badly and broken up with him to teach him a lesson about relationships. Who even did that?

~~~~~~~~

Dean knew Castiel’s friends was in on the whole ‘screw with Dean’ thing. And one of his friends was Gabriel — Castiel’s brother. Dean would easily find him in the house.

Just the day after the fight in the closet Dean searched for Gabriel. If Castiel’s friends hadn’t done anything to stop him and his idea, they were as much of douchebags as Cas.

Dean found him in the hallway on the second floor.

Gabriel stopped dead when he saw the look of anger on Dean’s face.

“What do you even think with?!” It might have been a bit more of a yell than Dean had thought.

“Um, what?” Gabriel asked and actually had the stomach to look innocent.

“Why the hell didn’t any of you stop Cas when he decided to screw with me?”

A look of understanding dawned on Gabriel’s face. “Oh, you mean that. Well, you know, when he’s decided to do something he’s very hard to stop.” Something about the way he said it made Dean believe that was a lie.

“You didn’t want to stop him, did you? You thought I deserved it, just like he did.”

Gabriel’s silence was answer enough.

“You know what, Gabe? You’re just as big of a douche as your brother.”

He didn’t even flinch at the insult. “Did you just call me Gabe?”

Huh, did he? He hadn’t notice. “Yeah, maybe, I don’t know. I shorten people’s names sometimes.”

He wasn’t even mad anymore.

_Good job, Gabe._

Of course that’s when Cas decided it would be a good time to show.

Dean was, needless to say, very mad again.

Castiel opened his mouth like he was about to say something, and judging by the look of anger it wasn't anything nice, but Gabe stopped him.

"Um, maybe you two should take a rest from each other? How does that sound? You won't have to get mad and yell at each other."

Gabriel's attempt at stopping them was fruitless and Castiel continued like his brother hadn't even said anything.

"Because of your weak little mind I'm getting in trouble. Get a hold of yourself and quit acting like a hurt puppy. But maybe that's how you always am."

"You don't know a goddamn fucking thing about me, Castiel!" Dean couldn't help but explode. Castiel seemed to have that effect on him.

"So you say, but I know you inside out. I know exactly how much of this so called hurt is played."

"That's it. That's fucking it. Do you want me dead, is that it, _Castiel_? Because it sure as hell looks like it," he said, and by now his voice showed every inch of how he felt, every inch of the betrayal that had broken him.

"I'm not trying anything. You do it so good on your own."

In the background he could hear Gabriel saying something, probably trying to get them to stop. Dean completely ignored him.

"You're an asshole, Castiel. A big douche, and an even bigger dick. I don't see how I ever felt anything for you. How I even liked you."

"Well, I never liked you. You were just something pathetic I had to live with."

"So I'm pathetic now?! Have you ever stopped to think what you are for having broken me down like that? For making me want to fucking kill myself?! For making me feel like everyone wants me dead?! For making it seem like you wants me dead?"

"Hey, guys, maybe you should calm dow-" Gabriel said in an attempt to stop them.

"Shut up!" Dean yelled back at him, not once taking his eyes of Castiel.

"I didn't make you want to kill yourself." His voice was harsh, but deep down Dean thought he heard something like doubt. But maybe he didn't.

Before he could get back at Castiel, Gabriel took his arm and dragged him away from Castiel. Even though he was smaller than Dean he managed to get him inside his room.

Suddenly realising how tired he was - mostly mentally and emotionally - Dean collapsed onto Gabriel's bed, not caring if that annoyed him. He didn't really have it in him to care about anything at the moment.

He flinched away when a hand was put on his back, but when he realised it was just Gabriel he relaxed. Castiel wasn't there.

Dean must have fallen asleep, because when he woke up it was dark, and he was still in Gabe's bed. Soft sounds from behind him told him so was Gabe.

It took a few moments before Dean realised that what had woken him up was whispers. He tensed up when he saw Castiel right in front of him.

"What the hell are you doing here," he asked and kept his voice low as to not wake up Gabe.

"I just- I," he trailed of and looked anywhere but at Dean. Or maybe that was just because it was so dark.

"Did I really make you feel like I wanted you dead? Did you really want to kill yourself?" The question held vulnerability in it, like Cas wasn't so confident anymore.

"I didn't- I didn't actually try, but I was bad. I felt like before we got here to this town, a bit worse even. I didn't actively think about it, but yeah, I was a mess and pretty much wanted to die. I'm not even sure if that has changed." He tried to keep his voice steady, but when he said it was the first time he thought about it. He hadn't stopped wanting to die since Castiel said he was just screwing with him.

Maybe- maybe Pamela was right with doing an investigation. Maybe he really did have depression.

"Hey, Dean, I'm sorry." He reached out a hand towards Dean but stopped it mid air. "Both for the whole thing with our ... relationship. For even thinking about screwing with you like that. For saying everything I've done lately. I think- I think maybe I lashed out because I didn't want to believe I'd done something even worse than what I thought you were doing. Regardless, it was wrong of me, and you had to suffer by it. I really am sorry. I know it won't change or make anything better. But I'm not going to not say it when I've realized it. Please don't be mad at my friends for this whole mess. It's all on me. When I've decided to do something it's usually hard to get me on other thoughts. I don't expect you to forgive me, and definitely not right away. But I wanted you to at least know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry it had to take you saying you want to die for me to really realize how wrong I'd been. It's not your fault." There was a pause, Castiel probably thinking about what to say next. "I'm going to let you sleep now. Goodnight, Dean."

Dean didn't respond in any way and Cas walked out the room. After how mad they'd been at each other just hours earlier Dean really didn't expect what had just happened.

Secretly he was happy that Castiel had apologized.


	13. Chapter 13

"You and Sam comes with me now."

"No."

"You don't have a choice, boy. You take him and get to me, now!"

"I'm not going to do that, _dad_!" Dean spat out the word, John wasn't even worthy of being called their dad. Not after everything he’d done, and everything he hadn’t done for his sons.

“You’re not going to use that tone with me! Do as I say!”

“No! I’m done obeying you like a good little soldier, that’s over now! And I’m not going to let you come near Sammy again!”

Dean had gotten a call from his dad earlier, telling him to meet him at this parking lot. He hadn’t expected it to end with this. Them yelling at eachother, him actually standing up to John.

“You listen to me, boy,” John said and stepped up close to Dean. “If you behave and go get Sam now I might try not to get to angry. If you don’t… well, you know what will happen.”

John’s voice was low and chilly, and all Dean wanted to do was curl up, hide away from his dad. But he couldn’t. He had to defend himself, if not for him, so for Sammy. Sam would live such a better life away from John.

“No.” His voice only held a little wavering, and it made him feel a little better about himself.

He didn’t expect John’s hand to go for his face.

He punched Dean in the eye, sending him stumbling back with the force of the blow. He almost tripped when John kicked out his foot to Dean’s knee.

“If that’s how you’ll have it, good luck with taking care of yourself and your brother. I don’t care anymore.” He said it with absolute chill and threw something at Dean. He walked away and climbed into a car, leaving the Impala to Dean’s surprise.

Dean picked up the object John had threw. It was the keys to the Impala.

~~~~~~~~

His dad didn't love him.

It hit him when he parked the Impala outside the Novaks' house. His dad didn't love him, and he never had.

It couldn't have been that he was incapable of loving, he loved Sam. But for some reason he had never loved Dean. And what if Sam wanted to stay with John? What if Dean had just made him sad? He’d done what he thought was right at the moment, but with his luck he wouldn’t be surprised if that turned out to be what was actually worst.

Why had John decided to punch him in the eye this time of all times? Every time before he’d punched or hit Dean where he would be able to hide it. What made this time different? What if— what if John really meant that he wanted nothing to do with Dean, and really didn’t care what the hell happened to him? He’d been right all along when he thought his dad would be better off without him.

He was trying so hard to hold himself together that he didn’t really noticed that he’d walked inside the house. It wasn’t until a hand came to rest on his arm that he noticed.

“Dean?”

He only distantly noticed that it was Castiel’s voice as he muttered, “He’s never done it before, why did he do it now?”

“Who?”

“Dad.” He wasn’t even really aware of what he was saying. Was he supposed not to say that, or?

“Was he the one who punched you?”

Did he nod? Or did he shake his head? He had no idea, he was barely aware of his surroundings.

“Come, let’s go sit down.”

When he didn’t move, arms wrapped around him and dragged him to a sofa. He was placed in someone’s lap, and first when said person kissed his neck did he realize that it was Cas. Slowly he started to take in his surroundings, and with that also realized just how ragged his breathing was. Just great, another panic attack.

“Hey, hey, Dean. It’s going to be okey. We’ll fix this.” Cas’s voice was gentle, soothing Dean to almost calm down. “But I need to know a few things, okay?”

Dean thought he nodded.

“Has it been your dad all along?”

He thought he nodded to that too.

“We’ll talk to people, and together we can fix this. You don’t have to worry anymore.”

“He doesn’t love me.” His voice was barely a whisper.

“Huh?”

“Dad. He doesn’t love me. He, uh, he told me- he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. He pretty much said he doesn’t believe I’m capable of taking care of Sammy, not even myself. What if he’s right, Cas?”

“Dean, you won’t be alone. You live here, we’ll help you. I’ll help you.”

That knowledge made Dean calm down. Why hadn’t he thought about that before? He wasn’t alone in this.

~~~~~~~~

The next day Cas, Amelia, Dean and Sam all went to the police station together. Cas had filled in his parents, Sonny and Pamela last night, and they had collectively decided that he needed to talk to the police as soon as possible.

"Back here already?" a police joked when they walked in and he saw Dean.

Dean stiffened, making Castiel almost walk into him when he came to a sudden halt.

"I-" Dean didn't know how to respond, but thankfully didn't need to as Amelia stepped up to the counter.

She talked to the police there as Cas took Dean by his shoulders and led him to a corner of the room.

"He didn't mean anything by it, Dean."

"I know! I just-" He didn't know what and trailed off. It wasn't like he should be thinking so much about a small, innocent joke.

“I’ve talked to them,” Amelia said as she walked back to them. “Someone will talk to you, and please Dean, don’t hold anything in. Tell them what they need so they can fix this.”

He nodded to her, and his name was soon called. He started following the police when a hand stopped him.

“Do you want me to come with?” Sam asked.

Dean hesitated, not wanting Sam to have to hear every little detail, but he’d feel better having his brother there.

“Okay, yeah,” he replied with a nod.

They were led into an office, beckoned to sit down in front of the desk. The police closed the door after them and sat down in her desk chair.

“How about you start with telling me about the situation yesterday. I see that was what made you talk to your friends and family, correct?”

“Um, dad called me and asked to meet at this parking place. He told me that I and Sam would come back to him, and I said no. I didn’t want Sammy back in it, so I told him no. I guess he got mad and punched me in the eye?” He hadn’t really meant to say it like a question. “And then he said that if that’s what I wanted he didn’t care anymore.”

“And I gather this wasn’t the first time?”

“Uh, no, not really.”

“How long has it been going on?”

That question made Dean hesitate. How long had it really been going on? Years at least, but he seriously couldn’t tell ho many. He’d long since repressed that knowledge to keep himself from falling apart.

“Years? I’m not really sure exactly how long.”

Even if Sam tried to keep in his gasp Dean still could hear it.

The police pried Dean of more details before he and Sam left her office. Even though he knew that there would be an end of John’ treatment now he didn’t feel good. He would probably land his dad in prison. He loved him, so why would he want that? It was Cas that, on their way back to the house, comforted Dean. It wasn’t much, but the arm he laid over Dean shoulder was enough. He pressed himself up closer to Cas in the back seat, Amelia and Sam chatting lowly in the front seat.

~~~~~~~~

Dean didn’t get in any immediate contact with the police over the following days. He went back there if they had something more to ask him, but aside from that he let Cas and Amelia handle everything. The whole thing was too overwhelming, to stressing. At more than one occasion he’d felt an panic attack coming, but somehow Cas had always been there, helping him relax and breath before it got too bad.

Five days after the first time he got questioned, Cas came to him with a smile on his face.

“They’ve found surveillance tape from the parking lot where John-” He stopped before finishing the sentence, like he just remembered that he maybe shouldn’t say it out loud. But Dean understood what he meant all the same.

“Does that mean…”

“That means that they have solid evidence against him. He will be punished, and he can’t get out of it. If they can prove as well that he has abused you for years, he is guaranteed a long time in prison.”

Dean couldn’t help the sudden urge to hug Cas. Maybe it was just to get comfort, to get reassurance that this would be good in the end. He didn’t even know if that was for him or for John. He deserved to go to jail, but then Dean would probably never get to see him again. But then again, maybe he didn’t want to?

~~~~~~~~

“You will have to witness in court.”

That sentence made him froze up, no matter how gentle the tone had been. He’d have to witness in court? He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t do this anymore. No, he just couldn’t.

“Dean! Breath, in and out.”

A hand rubbed his back slowly, lulling his breath to calm down.

It was enough that Pamela earlier that day had told him that he had a milder case of depression — that they with therapy would get under control, but still. Now this.

Cas’s face slowly came into his view, a gentle smile place there that he focused on. He’d be okay.

“You will have to witness in court for them to be able to present evidence enough,” Castiel proceeded in his calm voice that always made Dean relax, no matter how tense he originally was. “They’ve looked at journals from your hospital stays from fight injures. With them and you witnessing that it was your dad who gave you them, they have a pretty solid case. He will be sentenced, Dean.”

That only gave him partial rest as it soon became obvious that John was _nowhere to be found_. The police had searched for him ever since Dean first confessed, but they hadn’t found a single trace of him.

Dean was restless all the time, often waking up in the middle of the night from nightmares and not wanting to go back to sleep. He had everyone around him worried and wanting him to have peace. After he had fallen asleep in Cas’s room one night and actually slept the whole night through they arranged for him to sleep there. Cas of course insisted to take to mattress and leave his bed for Dean.

During a particularly bad night Dean woke up, sweat drenching him and the bedsheets. He had no memory of the dream, but he felt scared and lonely. He felt like when he was younger and had a nightmare, when he would crawl into bed with mom and dad. But now he had no mom or dad to comfort him.

A sound from the other side of the room and him tense and on the edge until he realised that it was just Castiel that had stirred in his sleep. Dean looked at him and how inviting the pile of blankets looked. Without another thought about it he went out of bed and crept over to the mattress. Cas was curled up on one end of it, leaving well enough space for Dean to crawl in.

When he’d laid himself down comfortable, the blankets over him, Cas lifted his head and stared at him with sleepy eyes.

“Dean?”

Dean shook his head, not trusting his voice not to waver. He edged closer to Cas, one arm reaching out for the other boy. Cas took the cue and pulled Dean close to his chest, resting his chin atop Dean’s head. He gently rubbed Dean’s back with one hand, the other running through Dean’s hair with slow movements. Dean let himself be lulled back to sleep, releasing a deep sigh as he did.

~~~~~~~~

When they woke up the next morning Cas acted like nothing was different. He didn’t comment on it, and that Dean was grateful for.

When they got home from school that same day, there were still no progress in finding John. Dean was fidgeting all through his and Cas's study session. Cas kept shooting him glances, looking like he wanted to know what was wrong but didn't dare ask.

"Dean," he finally said, putting his book on the table in front of them, "they will find him eventually. There's nothing you can do about it, so please, just try to stay calm. Stressing won't help the matter, and it might launch you into another panic attack."

Dean looked away from him, not stopping the fidgeting.

"What's wrong?" Cas asked and turned fully to regard Dean.

"I just- He's still my dad, y'know? I don't want my dad in prison. He's family. Beside Sam he is the only one I got left. What if I lose him too?"

"He is an abuser, Dean. He in no way treated you like a father is supposed to treat his kid. He wasn't good for you, and he needs to be held accounted for his actions."

"I'll miss him, Cas," Dean said lowly, his voice almost breaking at the end.

"C'mere," Cas murmured and pulled Dean close to him. "It's okay for you to still love him, Dean. But you need to know that he was wrong in what he did. He is still your father, yes, but he cannot take care of you anymore. And it will in no way be your fault if he ends up in prison."

They sat like that, Cas holding Dean in his arms, for a while longer, not saying anything. It was peaceful and something that took his focus away from the investigation.

~~~~~~~~

After dinner, which Sam had also been invited to, Dean and Cas went up to Cas's room. The mattress had been removed, and after Cas had made himself ready for sleep he climbed into the bed beside Dean. The light in the ceiling was turned off, the only light coming from a bedside lamp on Cas's side. Dean made himself comfortable on his end as Cas picked up a book to read.

"Dean," Cas said, not taking his eyes of the page he was reading on.

"Um," Dean hummed tiredly as an answer.

"You can come closer, it doesn't bother me. If it bothered me I wouldn't have allowed it last night."

Dean groaned into his pillow in embarrassment, but scooted closer to Cas nonetheless. He tentatively reached out an arm and laid it over Castiel's chest. When the other boy didn't flinch away from the touch Dean scooted closer, laying his head on Cas's shoulder.

When Cas a little later put the book away Dean was almost asleep. He distantly noticed that Cas moved his left arm to lay around Dean's shoulders, in the process getting Dean's head on his chest instead of shoulders.

~~~~~~~~

"They found John today."

Dean looked up from his homework, studying the way Cas wouldn't look at him.

"Two police officers made contact with him, but he ran away before they could say anything. He managed to get in a car before they caught up to him. They lost him short after that. He escaped, Dean."

So that was why Cas wouldn't look at him. They hadn't actually caught him, and now they knew he knew the police was looking for him.

_Great._

"I'll be back later, bye!" Cas quickly turned around and almost ran for the door.

"Cas, what-" Dean tried, but the other boy was already gone.

_What the fuck?_

He turned back to his homework, but he couldn't concentrate on it. Why was Cas acting so weird? From what Dean knew, he hadn't done something that would make Cas act like that. Maybe it was just because of the investigation?

When he heard movements and voice out in the hall a little later, Dean looked up. He couldn't hear who it was, or what they said. What if the Novaks were having guests over? He couldn't stay here in that case, not when Castiel wasn't there.

Just as he was about to stand up, the voices moved into the room. One was Castiel, another Sam, and a third...

"Jo!" Dean exclaimed as the girl in question walked into the room.

"Dean!" she exclaimed just as happily, and bounced over to Dean, hugging him tight.

"Jo, I can't- can't breath!" he wheezed out, trying to easy out of her grip.

"Eh, come on, live a little!"

"You're not the one who couldn't breath because you got hugged so tight," Dean said when Jo finally released him.

"It's because I'm stronger than you. And don't try to deny it, I always have been!"

"What are you even doing here?" Dean asked when curiosity got the better of him.

"We moved, and then today I ran into Sam."

Jo and her mother Ellen Harvelle were also friends of Bobby, and they had a few times seen them when they'd stayed with him. Dean hadn't expected to see them again this soon, if even ever again.

Cas went over and plopped down beside Dean with easy, just as Dean noticed Sam and Jo wasn't the only ones who had come. Looking reluctant Jess, Kevin and Charlie stood beside Sam in the doorway. Jess in particular was standing _very_  close to Sam.

Dean grinned at his brother and leaned back and slightly to the side; towards Cas. He had found a comfort in feeling the other boys body against his. The warmth was soothing, and just simply leaning against Cas could calm him.

He didn't notice the look on Jo's face when she saw him and Cas that close.

"I'll go get us some snacks," Cas said and stood up suddenly. He almost scurried away, Dean looking questioningly after him.

"So how are you and boyfriend over there doing?" Jo asked out of the blue when Cas had left the room.

If Dean had had something to drink right then he would have choked on it.

"We aren't- We are not together. What does even make you think that?" Okay, he'd admit, he was feeling a little on edge.

"But you look like you really like him, just grow some courage and ask him out!"

"I'm not gonna do that, Jo," Dean said, his voice low and vulnerable.

"What happened?" Jo asked, sounding concerned.

"We were together, but he broke up with me."

"He looks like he like you too, did he say why he broke up?"

"Um," Dean hesitated but in the end went with, "no."

"He did," Jo said, because obviously she could hear the lie in his answer.

Dean sighed. "He said he was just playing with me, that he wanted to teach me a lesson because I always just kiss everyone, but I won't let anyone be in a relationship with me. We've ... talked it out, he apologized. Something about not having realized he was being worse than he thought I was."

Dean had forgotten that there were others in the room, so when a sharp intake of breath sounded from the doorway he looked up, feeling like a deer caught in headlights.

"Is that why you... why you tried to kill yourself?" Sam asked, and the look on his face made Dean feel ... bad.

"I didn't try to kill myself, Sam," Dean said for what felt like the thousandth time. "I didn't want that car to hit me, I was just drunk."

"But, Dean," Sam argued, "they said they found- that you've self harmed. Please tell me those wounds are from something else, and I might believe you."

He looked away from the others and muttered, "I didn't try to kill myself."

"So the wounds ... they really are- Why haven't you told me anything of this? About dad?"

"'About dad'?" Jo echoed as Cas walked into the room. “And ‘kill yourself’, ‘car crash’? What the hell has happened?”

"My presence seem to calm Dean," Cas said as Sam started saying, "Dad had been..."

With Jo already sitting close to him and Cas plopping down even closer to him, Dean felt crammed. The direction the conversation was going didn't help either, and without him being able to stop it, his breathing picked up in pace.

"Dean, in and out, slowly." A hand was put on his back to join the words, making him realize that he was bent forward, his breathing shallow and ragged.

"What's wrong?” Sam said, while Jo said, “What's happening?" their sentences mixing with each other, and the panic in their voices not calming Dean the slightest.

"You need to calm down,"Cas said, and Dean realized it was directed to Sam and Jo. "He's just having a panic attack, he'll be fine."

Dean could feel all eyes on him, and the embarrassment from having a _fucking panic attack_  in front of the others made him shudder and choke on his current breath.

He distantly heard Castiel asking the others to leave for a while, that snacks were in the kitchen.

Cas pulled him into his arms, engulfing him in warmth. He turned to his side, resting his head on Cas's shoulder and breathed in the familiar scent.

When Dean had calmed down they walked to the kitchen where he was engulfed in a tight hug.

"I told her about dad," Sam explained.

"Oh," Dean exhaled, sagging his body in Jo's grip.

When she released him they collected the snacks and something to drink, bringing it back to the living room. Dean cleared up his half finished homework, getting a look of sternness from Cas.

"I'll do it later!" he defended himself in a low voice only meant for Cas.

They sat down in the sofas facing each other, Dean and Cas closer together than even Sam and Jess who was holding hands. They did it in a discreet manner, like they thought no one would see if they had their hands in between them.

"When did that happen?" Dean asked and motioned towards Sam and Jess with his head. If his hand itched to hold Cas's just like that, that was no one else's business.

"Oh!" Sam jumped slightly and blushed. "Just- just yesterday."

"And you were gonna wait to tell me?" Dean arched a brow at his brother.

"Not really?" Sam looked like he wanted to hide, or possibly disappear into the ground.

On his side Jess was smiling, like she didn't find it embarrassing. She even went as far to give him a chaste kiss, to which his expression went even deeper.

Dean laughed slightly, glad that the atmosphere was feeling much lighter. Even if seeing Sam and Jess kiss made him want to kiss Cas.


	14. Chapter 14

Dean was barely awake when Amelia knocked on the door, but Cas was sat up on the bed beside Dean, reading a book in the faint light from the lamp on the bedside table. Dean groaned and sat up as much as his tired body manage, ending up leaning heavily against Cas.

“How are you boys,” she asked when she closed the door behind her.

“I’m good, a bit hungry though,” Cas answered, whereas Dean only gave another groan as answer.

“I got a call earlier,” Amelia said and turned towards Dean, “they might be able to transfer the legal guardianship from John, but there will have to be someone to transfer it to.”

Dean hopeful face fell when she finished. Where would they find someone to have legal guardianship over them. The Novaks wouldn’t, no matter how nice they were to them.

“It’s okay, Dean,” Cas said and rubbed a hand through his hair. “We will find someone, I’m sure of it.”

Dean leaned into the touch, not noticing the way Amelia smiled at them and left the room. It felt like he craved touch, Cas’s touch to be specific.

"We should get up," Cas said, stretching in a way that made Dean fall off him, "get ready for school."

He threw his legs over the edge of the bed, turning his back to Dean. Dean just stared at him, once again wondering what was wrong, why Cas acted so weird.

"Cas," he attempted to say, but the only thing that came out was a sad croak.

Cas must have taken it as discontent at getting up, if the, "You have to," was anything to go on.

Dean just felt bad at that.

When he was dressed, Cas walked out the room — probably to have breakfast — leaving Dean alone in the room. It was unlike how he usually did, how he usually waited until Dean was ready too.

When Dean finally had dragged himself out of bed, gotten dressed and walked down to the kitchen, Cas was nowhere to be seen. Gabriel, though, was there, spreading butter over a piece of toast.

"Dean-o," he said when he saw him, "you want some."

Dean nodded and went to stand beside Cas's brother as said boy prepared another toast for Dean. He leaned against the counter as he watched Gabriel work, too tired to stand at his own will.

"Cassie left."

Dean snapped his head up at the sentence, focusing his eyes on Gabe's face.

"I know you didn't ask, but I could sense you wondering. It's written all over you how much you like him."

Dean opened his mouth to protest, but nothing came out. It wasn't a lie, even though he didn't want to admit the truth behind it.

"Come on now, eat up," Gabe said and handed Dean the already buttered toast. "I'll give you a ride to school when you're done."

~~~~~~~~

Cas seemed to ignore Dean in school, getting out of his way and avoiding him. If Dean was even nearing getting close to him he would walk away, even going as far as turning around the way he came. It made Dean feel bad, like he had done something. Knowing the … usual, he probably had fucked up somewhere along the line. There was no reason it wasn’t actually Dean’s fault.

Halfway through school he went looking for Nathan. Because if he had fucked up, he couldn’t fuck it up worse, and he needed distraction. Nathan was standing talking to another boy that Dean ignored in favour of kissing Nathan. It was right in the hallway, but no one but the three of them were around.

Nathan pulled back with a smile that wasn’t really a smile. “It seem you have gotten me back for the last time.” He reached an arm out for the boy on his side, pulling him to him. “Dean, this is my boyfriend.”

“Oh,” was the only thing he could mutter before hurrying away. Apparently he _could_  fuck up worse than he already had.

It actually ended up being Jo who distracted him. They weren’t kissing or anything like that, but she talked to him. About anything and nothing, and somehow they ended up in his car after school, driving to the Novaks. He didn’t notice until he parked the Impala outside the house.

“Hey, why does it seem like you practically lives here?” Jo asked as they walked to the front door.

Dean did not blush. He just avoided meeting her gaze. “Um, he- I… I have nightmares all the time, can’t sleep. Cas helps.”

“So you sleep in his room,” Jo concluded.

“Yeah,” Dean sighed as they reached the living room.

The sat down in the couches and took out their homework, despite Dean’s protests about it.

“Seriously though, when are you gonna ask him out?”

“Jo…” Dean replied, his heading hanging. He didn’t want to talk about this.

“You like him! And unleash I’m blind, he likes you too!”

“He doesn’t!” Dean said, a bit of desperation in his voice. “Please, just leave it, he doesn’t like me. I’ve already fucked up enough, I don’t need telling him I like him to add to that.”

Before Jo could say anything else Amelia walked into the room, carrying a plate of sandwiches. She placed them on the table between them, “Eat up, so you’ll have energy to study.”

Amelia had disappeared, Dean had taken a bit of a sandwich when Jo started up again. “If you’d just tell him-”

“Jo!”

“-you’ll see that he likes you!”

“Jo, please, I don’t want-” he was gonna be sick. He seriously was gonna throw up.

He threw the sandwich on the table, willing the feeling of sickness to disappear. When it wasn’t, but rather was growing, he rushed up from his seat, going for the closest bathroom. He threw the door open, not bothering about the fact that it was fully closed — not open like it usually was when no one was there. He barely got to the toilet before throwing up, the, “Dean!” only in the back of his attention. The hard beating of his heart and his rapid breathing pretty much drowned anything else.

“Dean, wha- oh, hey Cas.”

When his stomach had settled slightly he looked up, taking in a surprised Jo, and a wet and dripping Cas with only a towel wrapped around his waist. Said boy was crouched down on his side, a hand on Dean’s back.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.”

“Jo,” Cas said, “how about you-”

“Leave? Yeah, I figured.”

“Yes, would you like to tell my mother on the way out? Thank you.”

“How are you really feeling?” Cas asked when Jo had disappeared.

Dean tried to answer, but the only thing that left his mouth was a whimper. A tiny, pathetic whimper. God, why couldn’t he just stop being so fucking emotional about every godforsaken thing?

“Dean, it’s okay,” Cas said in a gentle voice, cradling Dean’s head to his chest. “Are you more sick, do you think you’ll throw up again?”

Dean shook his head warily. His stomach felt a little better, but his heart was still beating rapidly and his breath came out in small, fast puffs.

“Remember the breathing, Dean.”

With Cas’s help with the breathing he was lulled back to normal, feeling only slightly better.

“I think you just had another reaction on the panic attack. It is not uncommon to feel sick.” He helped Dean up on his feet and pulled him in for a hug. Cas was still wet from his shower, making Dean’s shirt slightly damp.

"We should get you to bed now," Cas said when he pulled back. "And maybe you should stay home tomorrow, so you'll feel completely alright. Just in case."

He led Dean out of the room, holding him tight and steady. Dean almost stumbled up the stairs, Cas being what kept him from falling. Amelia turned up when they reached Cas's room, looking worried but just following them wordlessly.

Cas helped him to bed and out of his jeans. Dean feel back against the pillows, feeling exhausted in mind, and his body like it was weighed down all over. Cas whispered something to him, but he was too far down in the waves of sleep to hear.

~~~~~~~~

Dean was surprised when Cas the next day got back from school way before it should have ended. He said it was because he didn’t have anymore classes, but Dean couldn’t dwell too long on it since the very next second Cas pulled him into his arms. He then proceeded to drag him to the living room where he sat down with his legs up in the couch and maneuvered Dean to lay between his legs. He pulled out a few books from his back at the same time he pulled Dean’s head down to rest against his chest.

Dean strained against it at first, but when Cas persisted and didn’t budge he let himself relax. He didn’t really have anything to do, so he might as well rest for a bit more.

He  might have fallen asleep for a bit, seeing as he was startled when voices suddenly entered the room. He turned his head to see them, and startled once again, this time in surprise.

Sam walked in with Jo, closely followed by Gabriel. Gabe looked smug, and Jo was grinning beside a sheepish looking Sam.

“Sure, you’re not together,” Jo said with a voice drenched in sarcasm.

“I told you! We’re not—”

“Dean, come on, I was just joking,” Jo said with a smile, lifting Dean’s legs to sit down on the couch.

“So, Dean,” Gabe said and threw himself down on the other couch, “have you had any luck in finding someone?”

Dean sighed and shook his head, feeling dread from the remainder of the current situation.

“What? ‘Finding someone’?”

As Gabe and Sam went about explaining everything to Jo, Dean leaned back into Cas, burying his face in his chest and inhaling deeply.

“What did Bobby say?”

The question startled Dean back to the conversation, saying a “What?” in unison with his brother.

“You have asked him, right?”

“Jo, you’re a genius!” Dean exclaimed and sat up. “How could we forget about Bobby?”

He fished his phone out of his pocket, determined to right away call the man they considered their second dad.

But no one answered.

It wasn't unlike him, in fact, it was very much like him. It was just typical that the time they really wanted to reach him he didn’t answer.

Dean was feeling downcast all through the time they told Amelia about their new plan, all through dinner that Jo stayed for, and all the rest of the night.

~~~~~~~~

He woke up to a warm body flush against his own, breath hot against his throat. Pleasure was pulsing in his groin, flushing his skin hot. His body felt wide awake, but his head was still a bit fuzzy from sleep. He angled his head down with his eyes still closed, searching for a mouth he knew must be there. He soon felt small puffs of air against his own lips and leaned in the last few inches, closing the distance to the other person.

He got response right away, the other person’s lips answering against his. They felt familiar, but he wasn’t awake enough to care or even know how or why. Instead he just kept kissing, getting more and more response. When the kisses heated up and turned to making out, the person rolled ontop of him, pinning him down with his weight.

That was the moment Dean realised that the other person was Cas.

But he didn’t care.

They began kissing more furiously, hands sneaked in under shirts, hips trusted against crotches, and moans escaped their lips. Within minutes they had their shirts off, and Cas’s hands was down Dean’s boxers as he nibbled on his throat. With a bit of difficulty Cas managed to get his own boxers off with just one hand, the other never leaving Dean’s growing erection. He then, with help from Dean, removed Dean’s boxers too.

Feeling only naked skin against himself, Dean trusted up, dragging a ragged moan from the boy above him. His hands moved to Cas’s back, stroking every inch he could reach. Cas, in turn, took their erections into his hands. His stroked agonisingly slow, not causing enough friction for Dean’s lust filled brain.

He growled in frustration and placed a hand over Cas’s, showing how tight he wanted it. Cas got the hint, and also sped up. He threw his head back and moaned in time with Dean.

The room was filled with moans and groans they tried to keep quiet, but as they came, almost at the same time, they had no way of controlling the volume. Dean hoped the wasn’t waking everyone up with their sounds.

They both panted by the time they came down from the high of their orgasms. Dean stared up at Cas, watching him in wonder. He liked him so much it wasn’t even funny. As if he could sense what Dean was thinking Cas leaned down and kissed him. This time it wasn’t lust filled, but rather love filled.

Dean didn’t noticed the door had opened — and neither seemed Cas to have done — until Gabe cleared his throat behind them.

“I know you two are sex-craved when it comes to each other, but please wait a little, I have interesting news.”

Cas sat up at that and turned to his brother, completely forgetting that the bed covers weren’t really hiding him much anymore. Gabriel gave a startled cry and turned his back to them.

“Don’t want to see that, dear brother!” He seemed to take a moment to breath before continuing. “Bobby has contacted us back. He’ll be here later today to discuss details, but he said of course he’ll take you in. I thought you’d want to know as soon as possible, but maybe I should have waited…”

“Thank you.” Dean said, hoping to ease Gabe’s embarrassment. “But really, we’re actually done.” He couldn’t help but add the last bit, and laughed when a shudder ran down Gabe’s back.

“I’ll, uh—” Gabriel hurried out the door, closing it with a bang behind him.

“Hey, Dean,” Cas said after a while, making Dean turn his attention back to the boy above him. “I like you, I really do. You should know that, and know that I want this. I’m not ‘playing you’ anymore, I really mean it. I’m so sorry about what I did, and even if it didn’t seem like it, I started liking you already back then. I just didn’t want to acknowledge it when I thought you were such a bad person. But the fact remains that I liked you and I still do. I wish I hadn’t broken up with you, but I won’t ask. Because I understand how I hurt you, I understand that you might not even want to try it again.”

Dean could see the sincerity glistening in the depths of Cas’s unnatural blue eyes. He meant every word.

“Yes.”

Cas blinked in confusion down at him, obviously not understanding what the yes was for.

“Yes, I’ll be your boyfriend.” He stared up into Cas’s eyes for effect before continuing. “You seem to forget the fact that I have liked you ever since the beginning. You’ve apologised, explained, and I know you mean it. You want this, I want this, so why shouldn’t we try?”

Dean only got a glimpse of the smile on Cas’s lips before said lips was on his.

~~~~~~~~

“Foolish boy, why haven’t you said anything?” Bobby asked as he hugged Dean tight. “I knew he was a bad father but this…”

Bobby had arrived around lunch time that day, and went to hug the brother’s the first thing he did.

“Of course I’ll take you in, idjits,” he said when he pulled back from the bearhug.

Amelia smiled at him and motioned towards the living room. “There’s a lawyer here to discuss the details.”

Bobby nodded and followed her, leaving the Winchester brothers and the Novak siblings in the hall.

“Dean,” Sam said suddenly, a half scared, half sullen look on his face, “we’re gonna have to move."

It hit Dean like a ton of bricks right then. Bobby didn't live here, and he had a mechanic workshop he couldn’t just leave. They’d have to move away again, move away from their friends. From his boyfriend.


	15. Epilogue

It all came down to the two arguments that Bobby’s garage needed a renovation — so why not build up a new one somewhere else? — and he didn't have anything that tied him to Sioux Falls. Neither Dean nor Sam could really argument against it when Bobby therefore decided to move city, so that the boys wouldn’t have to.

He started up a new garage, and seeing as the town didn’t have one, it didn’t take long before he had customers coming. Whenever he had time, Dean would help out and repair cars, doing the one thing he thought he was actually good at.

Bobby had manage to find a property that was only a ten minutes walk from the Novaks house, so each day he and Cas would drive to school together in one of their cars, and later go home with each other. The days Cas drove they would go to the Novaks after school, and when Dean drove they would go home to him after school. Using that system meant that if the weather was bad when they were supposed to go home, they had a good excuse to stay the night with each other.

In the beginning it — and his whole relationship with Cas — seemed too good to be true, but when days went and nothing got bad, the feeling gradually left him. Just because it hadn’t worked the first time, and relationships in general didn’t work out for him, didn’t mean that they wouldn’t make it work this time. Both he and Cas was determined to make it work, to make it last.

The days they went home to Dean after school Sam was never home before them, taking his own time to spend with Jess. Dean never dared say it to Sam — or Jess for that matter — but they seemed to fit together like peanut butter and jelly. That was why when one day it wasn't like that, he was surprised to say the least.

The day started - well, technically with school, but Dean chose to ignore that - with Cas stopping him when he was about to drive home.

"I thought... There's a nice cafe in centrum, and I thought maybe we could go there. Today, on a date."

Dean was startled, not really about the fact Cas wanted to go on a date, but rather that Cas seemed so shy and nervous about it. To be fair, he'd been like that about pretty much anything romantic since they got back together.

"Tell me where to drive," Dean said with an encouraging smile that broadened when Cas returned it.

Cas was right about the cafe being nice, but it was also cozy. Rather than being a building, it was a roof with with walls in one end - the kitchen - and pillars to hold up the roof on the other end. Bushes was placed as to block most winds, and there seemed to be glass windows to slide as walls all around if the weather got bad. Under the roof it was like a small park, with a fountain and plants placed around the area.

Cas led Dean to the display counter, holding his hand. Cas looked over the baked goods carefully. Dean had already zoned in on the slices of blueberry pie.

"I'll have a slice of blueberry pie, and a coke," he told the waitress.

Cas looked up from the baked goods and ordered a simple black coffee.

"You sure you don't want something?" Dean asked as the waitress fixed their order.

Cas smiled but shook his head. "A coffee will be alright."

Cas took the mug and the bottle of coke when their order was placed on the counter. He looked around the area and walked to a table in a corner. Dean was about to follow him until he remembered the pie. He couldn't forget the pie.

Beside the counter was a table with spoons, glasses and napkins. He fetched a glass and a spoon, and was about to join Cas before he stopped. He picked up an extra spoon, figuring Cas couldn't possibly refuse to share the pie.

He walked over and sat down opposite Cas at the table for two. He reached one of the spoons to Cas, but he just shook his head.

"Come on, Cas, I'm offering to share my pie. My pie!"

"Dean," Cas said, and at least he was smiling, "I'm fine without any pie."

Dean ate a couple of spoonfuls of pie before an idea occurred to him. Placing another piece on the spoon, instead of eating it himself, he reached it over to Cas.

"Eat."

Cas eyed it warily, but closed his mouth around the spoon. His eyes opened in surprised, and when he'd swallowed he said, "That is delicious!"

"'Course it is, it's pie," Dean said with a fond smile to his boyfriend. He could be such a dork sometimes. "Here," he then said and handed the other spoon to Cas.

With Dean's already known love for pie and Cas's new found one, the slice was soon gone. Cas of course had blueberries all around his mouth.

Dean chuckled, but leaned forward in what he knew had to be the most cliché thing ever. With Cas still in surprise he kissed, and licked, away the blueberries from Cas's lips. Well, they didn't have any napkins, so they had to make do with what they could. The fact that the napkins were only a few meters away, Dean chose to ignore.

They drove home as soon as they'd finished their drinks, both determined to continued in privacy.

Dean was very surprised when he discovered that Sam was already home - and maybe just a little annoyed they didn't get their privacy.

Even more so when he heard a whine.

“Sam?” he called into the house, wondering if it really was Sam.

“I’m here!” Sam called back from the living room.

Dean quickly walked there, Cas following in his steps. Whatever he had expected, it wasn’t the scene that greeted him.

“Sam, why is there a dog in our living room?”

“I— I almost ran him over with my bicycle, but instead he ran onto the road and a car crashed into him. It just drove away, and I couldn’t just leave him there, Dean!”

“Yeah, yeah, I get that much. but why is he in _our living room_?”

“I took him to the wet, and then it turned out he doesn’t have an owner, so I might have said I’ll take care of him?” Sam looked apologising at Dean when he’d finished, and with the puppy eyes he threw in, there was no way Dean could deny him.

“It’s not up to me if we can keep him, you’ll have to talk to Bobby.”

Then he dragged Cas with him to his room. If he stayed in the room any longer, with the wounded dog looking up at him with big, sad eyes, he would help Sam to beg Bobby to keep him.

Though, it turned out, he wouldn’t have needed to. Bobby fell for the dog right away, fuzzing over him with Sam. It took about a week for the dog to get better, and a while longer to get completely good. But when he was, he was running around all the time, often so close around their legs they almost fell over half the time.

Since no one of them had any real fantasy when it came to names, they just called him Dog. When Jess found out, she was almost outraged. She had also taken a liking to the dog, and was the one who took the task of naming him. From there on it was Riot that ran around making them fall over or knocking things down from their places.

No one was really bothered by it, though.

 

 


End file.
